I Am Being Bullied

Tina you are not a good person. You are a bitch who pretends to be nice but writes thoughtless shit onyour pathetic facebook page. You willnever marry cause you’re callous and need to think about criticizing other people before you pretend to be helpful but write crap about other people. Something to ponder old hag. FROM: mel9009@yahoo.com

No one cares FROM: mel9009@yahoo.com

Its funny that you write negative shit about others but you present yourself in a perfect light. Cough gag and throw up. FROM: melissaheartsu@yahoo.com

You are a contaminator discusted with your fake bullshit FROM: melissaheartsu@yahoo.com

These are actual non-edited messages I received a couple days ago. I am posting them here to address them all at the same time.

My immediate thought when I received these comments was about the kids in school who are getting bullied…it’s MEAN, HATEFUL, EMOTIONALLY VIOLENT and for a kid, very DAMAGING. My heart is saddened and angered that kids have to go through this when they may not have the TOOLS, SUPPORT, STRENGTH, LIFE SKILLS or EXPERIENCE to cope. As a result they turn the hate inward and it causes enormous damage to their SELF ESTEEM, IDENTITY and WORTH.

As an adult, I see ANGER and as far as I’m concerned anger is really PAIN and HURT magnified. It makes me sad to think this person is so angry. It must be exhausting. What happened to this person, who spews such negativity that they feel they need to vent their anger towards me? To not agree with my writing or my Facebook postings is one thing…to write venom is another…

I know I’m a good person and I am not ‘pretending’ to be nice. My writing isn’t thoughtless and I am not an old hag. I also do not pretend to be perfect in any way. My blogs are based on my OWN INSIGHTS, PERSPECTIVES and LIFE LESSONS which I decided to share with you. The intention now as always is to help people through my own experiences.

Life is about learning, growing, and expanding your knowledge and understanding of yourSELF and others. As a result, I am acutely aware that I make mistakes…I have hard knocks, poor judgement and falter in many areas…but I also know I do my best…I make every effort to be SELF AWARE and OPEN and I strive to go about my day with a LOVING HEART.

So thank you mel9009 / melissaheartsu…because I learn from your words and I learn from my reaction to your words…I think of others who may have to deal with this hatred and I realize more COMPASSION, LOVE, SUPPORT and UNDERSTANDING is needed in the world. Something needs to be done for the people who are walking around so incredibly angry and spewing their hatred onto others.

I do not ingest your poison because I know it is not true.

I would suggest you delete me from your Facebook since I do not know who you are and cannot do it for you…I also suggest you don’t read my blogs anymore…they clearly aren’t being of service to you. I am here to enhance people’s lives, not make them worse…so for YOUR mental and emotional wellness I encourage you to find other means to find love, support and awareness into your life…

Thank you for your comments. They have opened up another door for me and I am walking through it.

With a smile,

Tina

 

 

Are You Part Of The Problem Or Part Of The Solution?

I had to have a difficult conversation yesterday. In truth, I was really avoiding this discussion…I knew it wasn’t going to be fun. Feelings were going to be hurt; there would be sadness and possibly some anger. I anticipated tears and maybe even some denial. I wasn’t sure if this person was going to be rational or irrational…logical or emotional. Would they be able to hear and accept the TRUTH I was about to share? I hoped so but I also knew that holding on was going to be an issue.

Well, luckily I listened…yes…yes, this person is me…

I had to have a heart to heart talk with mySELF about a few things and I didn’t like it. I didn’t want to do it but I realized…I am being part of the problem, not part of the solution…and that wasn’t sitting well with me. Like it or not I had to face it so as difficult as it can be sometimes it’s a great question to ask yourself:

Are you part of the problem or part of the solution?

WORK - If your work environment is toxic are you contributing by GOSSIPING? Are you POSITIVE when you walk in the door or are you NEGATIVE? Do you smile or grumble? Others won’t respond well if you speak DISRESPECTFULLY barking out orders. If your workload is too much do you ask for HELP or do you quietly resent your coworkers?

RELATIONSHIPS – Sometimes they can be really tough and you only have control over your own actions. Taking a step back and viewing your own behavior can help. Are you DISCONNECTED and avoiding necessary conversations? What about RESENTMENTS…do they magically show up in sarcasm, snide remarks or arguments? Do you really make an effort to LISTEN and COMMUNICATE or have you SHUT DOWN? Are you holding on when you should be letting go? Have you allowed your relationship to become secondary to anything or anyone else? Maybe you’ve checked out when you should be checking in.

 

SELF – Are you making HEALTHY CHOICES for yourself? These aren’t always the easy choices because they take extra time, care and attention. Do you choose to eat fast food or good food? Do your thoughts EMPOWER you or limit you? Are things not getting done and your dreams and goals expiring because you are PROCRASTINATING? Are you talking or doing?

ARE YOU PART OF THE PROBLEM OR PART OF THE SOLUTION?

Ug, I know, it’s hard to hear…trust me, I am saying all of this to mySELF…with LOVE, COMPASSION and a good stern kick in the butt. Some days I need gentle nurturing and other days I need STRENGTH and DISCIPLINE. I have to ask mySELF the hard questions so I improve my life but it only gets better if I answer HONESTLY and with INTEGRITY. It’s not easy…but I love mySELF and I want the best for my life…it’s called self care

If there is something chronic in your life causing you grief or a nagging feeling that something isn’t right ask yourself:

Am I being part of the problem or part of the solution?

Stop.

Listen.

You’ll get your answer…

With a smile,

Tina

 

Thoughtfulness

One quality I LOVE and make every effort to incorporate in my life is THOUGHTFULNESS. I find it to be a rare and dying attribute…perhaps that is why I hold onto it so tightly…

I think if you are thoughtful of others you are paying attention and observing their likes and dislikes. You are interested in knowing what puts a smile on their face. It’s about honoring the other person. It’s anticipating their needs…not in a codependent way but rather a RESPECTFUL, THOUGHTFUL and CONSIDERATE manner.

People like to be APPRECIATED, HEARD and VALIDATED and a THOUGHTFUL GESTURE can go a long way in saying “Thank you”, “I love you”, or “You are important to me.”

It doesn’t have to be much: A cup of coffee (or tea) waiting for you when you step out of the shower, giving a shoulder rub or offering a big double arm heart to heart hug at the end of a long day…

Perhaps it’s taking that extra moment in the morning to look into your daughter’s eyes and tell her she is beautiful and slip a note in her lunch to remind her a few hours later. Maybe it’s calling your parents when they least expect it to say you love them.

Thoughtfulness creates meaningful moments usually lasting long after the gesture is done.

When I taught in Kamloops, for the first recital of the season, I gave all my students a rose with a handwritten note. One year, I told the kids there would be no roses because I didn’t get the order in on time…

The kids were not upset about the rose. They were upset about the note.

As one students eyes welled up with tears she said:

“I don’t care about the rose, but we still get our cards, right? I have every single one you ever gave me!”

I immediately went home and stayed up that night until every note was written…I too, have every note, card and picture they have ever given me…

Another incident, I was following 3 young men (early 20’s) out of the elevator. My arms were full and yet these guys didn’t THINK to hold the door open for me. Thoughtfulness doesn’t require big actions but rather small gestures…often times what you would think is COMMON SENSE…mannersrespect…are not so common. These things equal thoughtfulness.

I  also think ROMANCE comes down to thoughtfulness…someone putting thought into what would make your heart dance…taking the time to pay attention and really understand who you are and then do something or say something that brings a smile to your face. That is thoughtfulness. That is romance…that is lovely…

Now we’ve all heard the phrase, “It’s the thought that counts.”

This is not thoughtfulness…this is obligation…

I personally LOVE doing things for people…I enjoy nurturing others and I get great happiness out of making them feel loved and adored…It brings me great pleasure to bring others pleasure…

Thoughtfulness must be learned, honed, crafted and rehearsed…

It’s a muscle that needs to be exercised…

It’s an element of KINDNESS, LOVE and APPRECIATION…something this world can never have too much of…

How will you express thoughtfulness today?

With a smile,

Tina

 

Mental Health Day

Yesterday I took a mental health day.

I slept in late. I stayed in my pajamas, wore fuzzy socks and I drank lots of tea.

I took my dog for a couple walks but generally speaking I didn’t do much except sleep, eat, read and rest.

I felt tired, worn out from a few things happening in my life and in the lives of people I love and so I practised a little self care.

It felt good. I highly recommend it.

Today I feel better.

My work load didn’t stop. My to do list didn’t get done. Things had to wait and may even have to wait until tomorrow. It’s okay. My brain and body needed the rest and time out and that is important to me.

Life can get overwhelming sometimes.  Taking a break from it all with a cup of tea and a book or journal can be just the ticket to recharge your battery. Fill your tank so you are more available to help others.  A car doesn’t go far without any fuel.

Wishing you a beautiful weekend full of SELF CARE and SELF LOVE.

With a smile,

Tina

I Was A Slut

 

SLUT. WHORE. SKANK. BITCH.

Amanda Todd got called a SLUT and she began to believe it…sadly she is one of too many teens and young women who had to try and deal with it or are currently dealing with the harshness of that word.

I get so sad when I hear teens refer to themselves or others as SLUTS or WHORES…I get angry when I hear adults use the same terms. It’s like the value of the person drops by the number of people she has been with in a sexual way…and she may not have even been with anyone but it’s a way to SHATTER HER SENSE OF SELF AND DEMORALIZE HER.

In the dictionary SLUT is defined as a sexually immoral woman, a slovenly woman…funny that I can’t find a word for a man that describes the same thing…“dirty old man” does not have the MALICE that the word SLUT has towards women.

I think back to my teen and young adult years and I remember for a long time thinking I was a SLUT. I was called a SLUT and I believed it. It seeped into my core belief system and I invested in the NEGATIVE, ABUSIVE and incredible MALICIOUSNESS behind the word.

Today I have COMPASSION for that young girl…that lost woman. I don’t see her as the described definition. No, I see the following:

S – Suffering, sad, shamed, scared, silent

L – Lost, lonely, loveless, less-than

U – Undervalued, unloved, unworthy, ugly, unnoticed, unheard, unsafe

T – Traumatized, troubled, tormented, teased, taken, trained, timid, tragic

Next time you go to pass judgements and think of calling yourself or any other female a SLUT think of that definition instead. Think of a SLUT as someone whose VALUE and WORTH as a person is Shot down, Limited, Unappreciated and Tossed aside.

To have sex with someone because you are desperate for love and acceptance…companionship…to feel attractive, pretty, beautiful and wanted…to FEEL something…anything other than that deep emptiness or pain even though hopping from one bed to the next can make you feel cold, ashamed and used…THIS DOES NOT MAKE YOU A SLUT OR A WHORE. (As described by the dictionary or the common use of the word)

In that situation you don’t understand your true VALUE and WORTH as a person. You don’t understand the meaning of SELF RESPECT and SELF LOVE probably because you were never taught. You are searching for others to validate who you are instead of validating yourSELF.

You are lost and looking at others to find you.

You are a BEAUTIFUL person who does not see your VALUE and you give it away too easily because you do not know what it is worth.

YOU do not know what YOU are WORTH.

This is also something I wrote when I was in my early 20′s…I share it with you because I think it suits what I’m talking about today.

 “Be good to yourself sweet child. Show yourself some love. Be good to yourself sweet child, oh sweet child.”

If I could give you one gift today, it would be for you to look deep inside your own eyes and see the beautiful person that exists inside.

HONOUR HER. LOVE HER. RESPECT HER. 

With a smile and compassion,

Tina