Who’s Judging Whom?

There’s nothing quite like vomiting in your dog’s pooper scooper bags at a public rest stop in Northern Washington State, to rid yourSELF of all concerns of JUDGMENT. In the moment of the salt-watery mouth, the tight, explosive stomach and the imminent guttural, violent sounds of retching, I did not care whether people were staring, laughing, judging, making comments, or disapproving of my behaviour.

I didn’t care if I looked pretty, sexy, thin, smart, rich, poor, sad, happy or respectable.

The moment partially digested food exited my body I didn’t give a damn about anything. The only thing on my mind was to get the poison, in this case, rapid food poisoning, OUT of my body. Actually, I think my thought process wasn’t even that much, I think it was simply:

“Get the vomit in the bag…Don’t miss the bag.”

I sat in the rest stop for a couple of hours, throwing up into doggie bag, after doggie bag. Slowing walking bent over, to the nearest container to dump my PRIDE, EGO and half of my guts into the garbage can. I dry heaved for another hour or so, my body now empty of any real substance but still insistent on getting it all out of my system.

I was exhausted and sat leaning against my car seat, door wide open, knees up to my chest, waiting for it to be over. I didn’t have the energy to care about anything other than my immediate health.

In that moment, it’s funny to think that having a good hair day or bad hair day is at all important.

I was simply GRATEFUL I’d kept my hair out of the projectile vomiting.

 

It was a FREEING and LIBERATING moment, and if I wasn’t so sick, I would have found it somewhat comical!

Releasing the idea that people are critical or judgmental is like looking in the mirror and saying:

“Oooh, so that’s who’s actually making the judgements.”

In reality I’m judging them to think they are judging me!  And I am judging me long before they ever get the chance! 

Let’s pretend for a second that they don’t care what I DO, who I AM or what I THINK! Perhaps it’s my EGO declaring its self-importance that makes me think that way.  Wow. Perhaps, just perhaps…even if they do care and they do judge, that it doesn’t matter!  It has no relevance on who I am as a person and what I decide to do with my life. Double WOW.   

If you are limiting yourSELF due to what you ‘think’ others ‘might’ be saying about you or you are worried about whether people ‘might judge’ you and you limit your TALENTS, PERFORMANCE, BEAUTY, IDEAS and PURPOSE in the world by putting yourSELF into a very small, SELF-contained box, please STOP.

You have a CHOICE

You can pack that little box up and put it in the closet and close the door with all your POTENTIAL inside, or you can open that box, shake out the contents and EMBRACE THE ESSENCE OF WHO YOU ARE knowing that it doesn’t matter what others think!

What matters is what YOU think.

Now that is a good lesson to learn from a bad turkey sandwich.

With a smile,

Tina

His Name Is Connor

I want to introduce you to a very special little boy. His name is Connor. Look at that face and beautiful smile; it’s easy to see the love and zest for life in this child’s face. In his mother’s words:

“Connor is my Sir Lancelot- radiant, brave and full of empathy for others.”

That’s Connor’s brother, Kayden. Connor is his little buddy. Every photo I viewed shows the love between these two brothers. Kayden has a goal inspired by his brother and YOU have the power to make it come true.

Here is Connor’s story: At just 7 years old and in grade 2, after feeling dizzy and falling at school, Connor was diagnosed with medulloblastoma, a malignant tumour in the cerebellum of the brain. After an initial misdiagnosis of an inner ear infection, his parents wisely took him to BC Children’s Hospital insisting on another examination. After failing his neuro vitals, a CT scan followed by an MRI discovered the malignant tumor which was 3×5 cm in diameter.

I think about that moment, when his parents received the news that their healthy, sweet little boy has a malignant tumor. I’m sure the breath was sucked out of their lungs and time stopped and raced at the same time. It is certain; they will never be the same again.

Connor’s medical team was amazed how quickly he recovered after the tumour was successfully removed in emergency surgery on September, 19th, 2010. His parents were told that his tumour was “standard” and with six weeks of radiation and nine rounds of chemotherapy, Connor had a 95% survival rate! Hope was high!

When treatment ended fourteen months later on Halloween 2011, his family rejoiced believing Connor could be a ‘normal’ little boy again.

Sadly, nausea and vomiting never stopped after his last round of treatment and his platelets never recovered despite the numerous transfusions. He had always bounced back so quickly…

Connor relapsed on November 12th. He had signs of a stroke and was rushed into emergency surgery after a CT scan showed what looked like a mass of blood. The tumour was back, but far more aggressive. Now it was the worst form of medulloblastoma possible.

His parents, brother, family, friends and medical staff were blindsided. The surgeon cried because after seeing Connor in surgery the first time, he believed he would beat it.

Dear, sweet Connor was initially angry and said he didn’t want to die.

It is hard to imagine being a parent in that position. Life does not prepare you for that depth of pain.

As a family, they cried, held each other and talked about everything. They showed Connor in the little time he had left, how much he was loved. Canuck Place Hospice gave Connor superior care making sure he was pain-free. Grief counsellors helped him come to terms with dying.

This little boy became incredibly intuitive and calm. Wise words regularly came out of his mouth. Friends, teachers, family, nurses and others who were affected by his bravery, quiet wisdom and kind heart continue to write notes to him on his Facebook wall. He touched so many lives in a short amount of time.

Connor passed away in his parents arms on December 21, 2011, just days before Christmas.

I think of him every day when I look outside and see the sun peak through the clouds. I think of his family who miss him beyond what words can describe. I think about his mother, because she is my friend.

Kayden really misses his little brother and would like to honour him by raising funds for BC Children’s Hospital. Kayden’s goal is to raise $1,000 which will then be matched through the ChildRun organization. You can help make Kayden a proud big brother by making a donation in his name, HERE.

Think of the incidentals in life: the coffee in the morning, the sandwich at lunch or a few drinks after work…give that up for one day and you have your DONATIONA powerful and profound impact can be made by such a simple and easy gesture.

Every school day, 46 children are diagnosed and 7 children die due to childhood cancers. No one believes this will ever happen to their child but when it does, your world changes, your priorities shift and life stands still…

Please make a DONATION in Kayden’s name to honour his little brother, Connor.

Funds raised are going towards an Oncology wing and PEDIATRIC CANCERS.

Thank you.

With a loving heart,

Tina

PS. Give your children an extra hug today. Life is precious.

I am a Survivor

I am a survivor.

I lived with, accepted, tolerated, lied and even made excuses for the abusive actions of men in my life. I grew up in dysfunction and believed love equals pain, shame and guilt.

Many people don’t realize the profound impact emotional and verbal abuse have on their self-esteem and self-worth. They don’t realize that critical, angry and punishing words or silent treatments are abusive. It’s about power and control and has nothing to do with love.

According to the Mentalhelp.net website, these are the traits of an abuser:

  • Insecure
  • Needy
  • Distrustful
  • Often jealous
  • Needs to be in control
  • Blames their behavior on others

I can tell you, with 100% certainty that my last two relationships had ALL those traits. They were extremely insecure, possessive, controlling, manipulative, needy and I was always the reason their life was in chaos or why they weren’t happy.

I was called a financial liability even though I worked three jobs and never asked for a dime.

I was told I was getting fat, or I was too skinny. My clothes were too tight or too loose, too sexy or not sexy enough.

I was lazy or working too much. I could never get it right because the rules always changed.

My time was always monitored, meaning if I went out with friends and wasn’t home by 10:00 pm, the phone would start ringing. It became easier to stay home but my friendships suffered as a result.

I began to isolate and soon showed signs of depression and anxiety. Now I was an emotional liability as well as a financial liability.

I was told I didn’t understand HIS pain or I wasn’t there for HIM emotionally. I could never do or say enough to make him feel happy, secure or wanted and as a result it was MY fault he had the affairs. It was exhausting.

He told me I was forever ‘screwed up by my past’. I was ‘damaged’. Who else could possibly want me?

NO ONE WILL EVER WANT ME OR LOVE ME LIKE HE DID.

NO ONE WILL BE AS GOOD OF A LOVER AS HE WAS.

NO ONE WILL EVER TAKE HIS PLACE.

I believed all that bullshit for a very long time. He fulfilled my belief that love equals pain. He also fulfilled my belief that I didn’t deserve kindness, love, affection, generosity, security or RESPECT without some sort of punishment.

How did I turn it around?

It took HARD WORK, SELF REFLECTION, COURAGE, DETERMINATION and making a DECISION to change my life.

I focused on ONE relationship only: The relationship with mySELF.

I created a sacred bond with mySELF.

I did this through JOGGING, JOURNALING, READING and surrounding mySELF with POSITIVE, LOVING people. I used AFFIRMATIONS, setting and completing GOALS and HONOURING every emotional step along the way.

I LISTENED TO MY INSTINCT.

I NURTURED MY INNER VOICE.

I RESPECTED MY BODY.

I MADE MYSELF THE PRIORITY.

If your relationship with yourSELF isn’t respected, honoured and valued then all other relationships will reflect that belief.

Remember: You are not defined by your circumstances, you are defined by your choices.

PLEASE, CHOOSE YOU.

With a smile, love and compassion,

Tina

Love The One You’re With

Have you ever loved someone so much that you would do anything for them? You always have their needs, comfort, thoughts, emotions and well being in mind?

Think of how much you love your child, spouse, parent, friend or sibling and what you would do for them.

You worry about them when they are struggling or beam with pride when they reach a goal, celebrating their success.

You’d stay up all night nursing them until their fever broke.

You’d tell them they were beautiful when they felt insecure.

You’d cheer them on when they applied for a new job, an audition or entrance into university.

You’d support them as they struggled with depression, anxiety or stress; you’d find help and offer to listen with a compassionate ear.

You’d squeeze their hand when they were scared.

You’d save up money so they could have something nice.

You’d send them a quick note or buy them a bouquet of tulips for no particular reason except to say, “I love you” or “I appreciate you.”

You’d honour their boundaries, hear their voice and respect their thoughts, opinions and emotions.

You’d forgive them.

You’d say, “Im sorry” if you hurt their feelings or didn’t tell the truth.

You know you’d be devastated if anything were to happen to them, so you appreciate each and every moment with them because those are the gifts of life.

Now, what if that person whom you love so much is YOU. What if YOU were to LOVE yourSELF that completely, with that much intensity, passion and commitment? What if YOU LOVED yourSELF so much you’d do anything for you?

Does that seem selfish? Why?

Why can’t we LOVE ourselves to that capacity? Why do we feel like we are being selfish, egotistical and somehow full of ourselves if we fall deeply, madly and passionately in LOVE with who we are?

Can you imagine how much LOVE you could extend to others if you loved yourSELF that much? It would multiply your capacity to LOVE infinitely.

Please…

LOVE, HONOUR AND RESPECT YOUR INNER SPIRIT – it is the essence of who you are.

LOVE, HONOUR AND RESPECT YOUR BODY – it is beautiful and works hard for you fighting disease and remaining healthy.

LOVE, HONOUR AND RESPECT YOUR THOUGHTS, EMOTIONS, IDEAS AND OPINIONS – they have value and purpose.

LOVE, HONOUR AND RESPECT YOUR CHOICES, DECISIONS, VALUES AND MORALS – they are a lifelong journey of lessons, laughter and love.

LOVE, HONOUR AND RESPECT YOUR PAST – it proves your strength and brought you to today.

LOVE, HONOUR AND RESPECT YOUR GOALS, POSSIBILITIES AND OPPORTUNITIES – they are the adventures of life.

Value yourSELF.

Honour yourSELF.

Truly, deeply, and completely LOVE WHO YOU ARE.

Remember:  You are with yourSELF 24 hours a day, seven days a week…

LOVE THE ONE YOU’RE WITH.

With a smile,

Tina

The Decisions You Make, Create The Life You Live

DECISIONS are CHOICES. Every day we make choices and together those choices add up to create a life.

Yes, there are challenges and struggles along the way, but it is our CHOICE how we DECIDE to deal with those challenges. Do we become a victim and allow the difficulties to define us? Do we RISE ABOVE, TAKE ACTION and EMPOWER ourselves? Do we complain? Do we think and act with POSITIVE energy or do we allow negativity to dictate our actions?

“We CHOOSE our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.” ~ Kahlil Gibran

Based on your DECISIONS, what life are you creating for yourSELF?

If you aren’t happy, remember: It doesn’t matter where you are right now.

You could be 20 years old, 76 years old or somewhere in between. You could be 300 pounds or in a job you dislike. You could be in a marriage that is killing you. Maybe you are tired of being alone or perhaps you are constantly struggling financially.

It doesn’t matter where you are right now.

In this moment, right NOW, you have the POWER to change your life if you aren’t happy. You have the privilege to DECIDE what you want to do and then you must make THE DECISION to do it.

I called my book, “The Decision” because in that defining moment when you make THE DECISION to create change, energy shifts to support a new world for yourSELF. I think it’s a fundamental right, an incredibly powerful force we fail to tap into.

Can all these people be wrong?

 

“We are the creative force of our life, and through our own DECISIONS rather than our conditions, if we carefully learn to do certain things, we can accomplish those goals.” ~ Stephen Covey

“Once you make a DECISION, the universe conspires to make it happen.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Nothing happens until you DECIDE.” ~ Dr. Stanley Turecki on the Oprah Winfrey Show

There is POWER in making a DECISION.

 

DECIDE to be HAPPY.

DECIDE to lose weight.

DECIDE to be treated with LOVE and RESPECT.

DECIDE TO LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE. ~ Oprah Winfrey

With a smile,

Tina

PS.  If you need help creating the life you want by making a decision, honouring your goals and following through on your promises to yourSELF, my book, “The Decision”  will help you. It is only $9.95 and available HERE.