What Defines YOU?

I got my hair cut this weekend and after the lovely woman cut it in a style I thought I wanted, I did the unthinkable.  I changed my mind.

Bless her heart, she very sweetly reassured me that it was fine, she could start over and cut it in a completely different style and no, she wasn’t going to be late for her father’s 60th birthday party. I felt terrible asking her to stay, but I knew I’d feel worse if I didn’t ask…it had to be done.

As I walked out, I still wasn’t sure I liked my haircut.  I have no vision for these kinds of things. I don’t have the ability to see what a haircut will look like, how to decorate a room, or what outfit will look good on my Mother. I only know after it’s done whether I like it or not and sometimes I have to sit with it for a while.

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I Could Have Been A Bitter Woman…

This blog was inspired by a conversation I had with my nephew.

I believe bitterness is unresolved anger that hasn’t been processed.

Anger is ok if it’s dealt with in a healthy manner.  You aren’t a bad person if you are angry. It’s important to channel that anger in a constructive way because it’s not ok to yell at your partner, your kids or your dog. It’s not ok to take it out on your co-workers or the guy in front of you at the intersection.

Anger doesn’t have to be destructive, take root and grow into bitterness or rage. You can talk to a professional who can help you sort through your anger and you can find something physical to let that anger out. I use jogging.  It is a force that I use to my benefit. It gets me up hills and pushes me through the rain and wind. Once I have let my anger out physically, I can then deal with the emotions underneath.

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What Keeps You Awake At Night?

I suffer from insomnia.  A while back I wrote down some of my thoughts that were keeping me awake.  This is a very raw and unedited section of my journal from that night.  I openly share it with you because if you also suffer a night or nights like this, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

I’ll share with you what I felt and then what I did about it…

It’s almost midnight and I can’t sleep.  My mind is racing.  This is not fun, lying in bed worrying/agonizing about a thousand things, doubting almost everything.  I hate being awake, in the darkest hours with just me and my negative thoughts yelling at me from inside my head.

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STOP – LISTEN – TRUST

“All the money in the world, the property, rich investments, toys, fine wines and name-dropping stories do not hide poor character”

A while back someone was brought into my life by no action on my part. This person bragged about his money, toys, boats, property, and famous people he’d apparently met but he was anything but impressive to me.  On a cellular level I immediately responded to this person.  It was like the time I ingested a bad chicken wing…it took no time at all, 15 minutes in fact, for my body to tell me I had to dispose of it.  My body reacted so strongly that my stomach convulsed and the poison that was in the chicken wing was violently removed from my body.

That is how I felt when this person entered my life. Everything within me said he was bad news and not to be trusted.

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What Is Your Legacy?

Holidays give you perspective on life.  So do funerals.

I arrived home from a joyful holiday and immediately was back on a plane to sing at a memorial honoring a deeply loved woman and to support my friends who are FAMILY.

I’ve attended two funerals in the past nine months and they were completely opposite of each other.  The one in the summer was literally five minutes long and was void of any love, joyful memories or a deeper connection to the people he left behind.  His legacy was empty, only leaving scars, wounds and pain. The one story shared was by someone who hadn’t known him long.  The people who did know him, remained silent…

The more recent memorial was the complete opposite. It was a celebration of life with so many happy, loving and heartfelt memories.  There were countless stories, laughter, tears, wonderful photographs and a connection of family and friends.  It was a LOVE based celebration, clearly representing how she affected the people in her life.

Being a part of that celebration was an honor for me and it made me think, how do I want people to remember me? What kind of legacy do I want to leave?

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