“The Whistler”

I have this lovely ritual that I do every time I go for a jog.  I take my dog to the dog park along the ocean.  As soon as she gets out of the car she runs along the shore with a big smile on her face, so happy and excited to be there. 

We are the same that way.

The ocean is my peaceful place.  My happy place.  I love it there. 

I wish I had words to describe how it makes me feel…

I guess, I feel the most connected when I’m there – connected to myself, to others, to nature, to energy, to spirit, God, emotion, and love. I feel centered, balanced and safe with whatever emotion I am feeling.

So, you have this loving, balanced, peaceful woman walking along the ocean with her happy dog and along comes “The Whistler”.  He is a man with four dogs who whistles loudly and consistently as he walks along the shore.

I don’t know why I am so irritated by “The Whistler”…maybe it’s the nick nack paddywack songs he chooses or maybe it’s the pitch he whistles in or maybe it’s the fact it’s at the ocean which is my calm, peaceful zone and he’s whistling all over it!

SIGH….Whatever it is I do not think kind thoughts towards this man.  No, my Zen moment is gone the minute I can hear, in the distance “nick nack paddy wack give a dog a bone, this old man came rolling home”.

He gets me every time. For about ten to fifteen minutes, my loving, peaceful thoughts and mood disappear and frustration and irritation are in its place.  Gone is the connection to myself, and my ocean and there’s no love in sight…no this man connects me to another side…my grumpy side.

I think to myself,

“Would you please stop whistling!  Please for the love of God STOP!  Come oooonnn, put a cork in it!  OMG, SHUT UP!!!”

He may have a paddywack sound track, but inside my head is the song from Sesame Street called “Mad”:

“When she’s walking down the street and people stomping on her feet it makes her mad, (very angry, very very angry)”

Clearly this man loves to whistle and the ocean is his whistle stop.  He doesn’t know he’s irritating me, and he has every right to whistle there, so I either walk along the ocean pissed off singing Sesame Street songs to myself or I accept “The Whistler” for what he is and move on…

Sometimes in life, you have to accept that which you cannot change…

As much as I’d like to some days, I can’t change him and his whistle, but I can change how irritated it makes me…I can change the banging thoughts in my head that are ranting and raving and getting me no where.  I will not allow “The Whistler” to take my peaceful place away from me. Whistle or no whistle, I can choose the calm, peaceful loving place inside; that is something I do have control over so that’s what I do…

Through his whistle, he gives me a gift.  I may not have asked for the gift, and I may not always like the gift, but it is a gift all the same. The gift of PATIENCE, ACCEPTANCE and a quiet understanding of CONTROL and LETTING GO…

What people or situations in your life are gifts in disguise?  Take a close look at what they are doing and how you are reacting…maybe there’s a lesson to be learned.

With a nicknack paddywacked smile,

Tina

PS.  I have a new Ezine Article , and I’m also now on Twitter and LinkedIn!  And don’t forget to find me on Facebook under “Tina Moore’s The 40by40″

I Am My Dog…

Happy Dog!

“You are just like your dog…fearful, damaged from your past and you don’t trust anyone.”

Someone in my past used to say that to me all the time and it used to really bug me.  How dare he compare me to my dog! But in his presence I would shrug it off, not having the energy to stick up for myself. I knew he was just trying to be mean, and he knew I had a soft spot for my dog…but maybe he was right, maybe I was just like my dog…

I started to observe her closely and this is what I discovered:

  • She is curious
  • She’s friendly and approachable with other dogs
  • She has the biggest heart and openly loves the people she trusts
  • She is cautious with her trust because she has been burned in the past
  • Once she trusts you she won’t forget you
  • She has exceptional instincts
  • She forgives
  • She’s loyal
  • She knows how to show affection
  • She appreciates my time and my love and she shows me
  • She likes cookies
  • Her eyes tell you everything…
  • She is facing some of her fears
  • She’s happiest when she’s exercising, meeting new dogs and cuddling on the couch
  • When she runs, she has the biggest smile on her face
  • She loves the ocean
  • She likes her quiet time
  • She’s very easy going unless there is chaos around her, then she can get stressed out
  • She’s not a big fan of the rain

So if I look at that list, and I am ‘just like my dog’ well, I’m ok with that!  I think my dog is a pretty amazing little soul and I feel blessed that she is in my life.  She has given me great JOY and truly makes me LAUGH out loud every single day.

There are far worse things I could be compared to… so when I think of that phrase I smile because I love my dog and she’s got a lot of great qualities.  Although the original intention behind the comment was probably to put me down or lower my self esteem; I turned it around and I like it!

I hope today you are able to turn a negative into a POSITIVE. 

With a smile

Tina and Munchie

Have You Hit A Wall?

        

 I have been asked many times,

“Have you ever hit a wall?”

I always reply,

“No, so far, I’ve never hit a wall.”

Sometimes joggers will say they’ve hit a wall and they have to stop running because their body just doesn’t have the strength to go on.  So far, I’ve been able to push myself through, either by sheer determination or by changing my walk / run ratio. 

Now, ask me that question again,

“Tina Moore, have you ever hit a wall?”

My response is,

“Yes, absolutely…many times.”

What is the difference?  The difference is the wall I am referring to now is a wall I was hitting before I started jogging.  It is a wall built of fear, guilt, depression, anxiety, shame, insecurity, frustration, and abuse.  That wall was built high and very strong.

I used to hit against that wall, so frustrated I couldn’t break through.  I would claw at the wall, desperate to see the other side.  I would sit against the wall, exhausted from trying to get past it.  I would look up at that wall and think,

“How will I ever get through it?”

It was exhausting, depressing and sometimes felt so hopeless.

Then one day I realized the way to get through the wall was the same way the wall was built.  One brick at a time

First I had to recognize the wall even existed.

Then I had to examine each brick and label it so I knew what it was and where it came from.  Some of the bricks I put there and some of the bricks, others had put there. 

Once the bricks were labeled clearly, I had to decide how I was going to take them down. 

What did I need to do?  IT WAS A CALL FOR ACTION. 

Some of the bricks were PEOPLE and once I realized those people were stopping me from being my authentic, true self, I had to deal with them.  This is an ongoing process but I got rid of a couple real big ones.  That was very difficult, but very healing and it opened up a large portion of the wall for me. Now, the light was shining through and I could see clearly what was ahead of me.   

Dealing with FEAR is a life-long challenge, but being aware of what you are fearful of is the first step.  Sometimes it can be tricky…procrastination, for example, can be fear in disguise. 

The bricks can be negative thoughts and emotions, people, actions, your past, your job, your relationships.  It can be addictions and behaviors.  It can be the negative voice inside that tries to sabotage your life when you are doing well. It can be guilt, shame, bitterness, anger, chaos, denial, loneliness.  It can be isolation, control, abuse, insults, broken promises, lack of action, and blaming others. 

The wall is a puzzle, and each brick is connected to the other. With a true desire to understand where they came from and then the courage to change, YOU WILL TEAR DOWN YOUR WALL.

I hope today you look at what kind of wall you have in front of you and YOU decide that you aren’t going to hit that wall anymore.  YOU have the control and the ability to tear it down, brick by brick.  YOU are strong enough; start with one brick…

With a smile

Tina

PS.  I have a new ezine article  if you are interested.  I also have a facebook fanpage, look for it as Tina Moore’s “THE 40by40″

PPS.  Thank YOU for your emails, kind words of support and sharing this website.  I really love hearing from you and I’m thrilled that it’s making a difference in your life.

Put A Little Bounce In Your Step

Somebunny Loves Me!

As you know from previous blogs, I have been having some financial challenges with my car breaking down among other things.  This week was no different.  I had some pretty high anxiety, which I put into my hill training and managed my stress by going for a good long hike. 

The physical outlet keeps me sane.

People ask me:

“How do you keep yourself motivated?”

Yes, when you feel the weight of your stress pressing down on your shoulders, pounding in your head, keeping you up at night the last thing you feel like doing is going for a jog. 

You want to stay in bed because it’s dark outside and you are feeling dark inside.

My motivation comes from two things. 

  1. Knowing to my core that if I go jog, I will come back feeling lighter, happier, stronger and far more able to handle what is in front of me.  I see the value it has in my life.  I see the change in my behavior.  I now am being the person I always knew was inside.
  2. I am so fiercely determined to create a happy, joyful and inspired life for myself that going for a jog on a dark morning is just one of the steps to get there.  I am digging to the very root of issues, patterns and behaviors and examining them, understanding them and finally changing them.  Is it fun?  Nope, it’s painful.  Is it worth it?  ABSOLUTELY. 

Put A Little Bounce In Your Step

So I ask you, does this woman, in a bunny outfit, jogging 10k on Halloween along the seawall making people laugh, clap, honk and cheer look like she’s given up to you?  No, despite my stress and the anxiety I was feeling the night before (heavy sobs into a pillow), the next day I got up, put my ears and bunny tail on and had a great morning with my trainer and friend, Jody Kennett. We laughed and had such a good time! 

It’s all a matter of thinking in terms of being a victim or empowering yourself through actions.  So, I left the broken car home, ‘hopped’ into Jody’s vehicle and we drove to the seawall to jog. I could have stayed in bed and cried some more, but instead I had a morning full of people smiling and wishing us a good morning, cheering, laughing, honking and even taking my photo. 

That was the better choice.  That was the choice that lifted me up and in turn, lifted others up too. Stress can weigh you down, but there are healthy choices that can lift you back up again. 

My wish for you today is that you choose to EMPOWER yourself and that you shift your thinking from “I can’t do it” to “I’m doing something about it!”

With a smile

Tina

PS. If you find this blog helpful please pass it on to others and if there is something you’d like me to write about, please contact me and let me know!  I’d love to hear from you.

PPS.  I have some new articles on EzineArticles if you are interested.

PPPS. I am also on Facebook, look for me under “Tina Moore’s The 40by40″

How Well Do You Really Know Yourself?

the40by40As a child, I grew up in a household that didn’t necessarily nurture individuality and independence but rather fear and insecurity.  Like most children, I was sensitive, so I became very aware of what everyone else was feeling and wanted to help them in any way I could. 

I hated fighting and would do anything to stop it. I quickly learned how to gauge emotions in our family dynamic and how I could diffuse any upset.  I learned how to study the people around me and to create what I thought they needed, often at my own expense. 

As an adult I continued that pattern. It has been a great quality in many ways.  As an actor, singer and writer, it’s excellent to be able to study and absorb character traits and human emotion and as a teacher I find I am more in tune with my students.

In my relationships, it gets a little more complicated.  I was so used to honing in on other people’s needs, wants, emotions and patterns that I overlooked my own.  Not only did I overlook them but I became totally unaware of myself. (That’s not completely true, I was aware of my feelings, but due to old patterns, their needs became more important than my own).

In my past relationship, I could tell you a thousand things about what my ex likes or dislikes. What makes him crazy or what is important to him.  I could tell you his biggest fears and insecurities, his life story…a thousand times over.  I could give you in absolute detail his physical traits and his emotional triggers. 

I was so in tune with him, and his needs; that mine were ignored. I really didn’t know myself, because I knew him so well.

Jogging has helped me get back to myself. 

  • I now know that I don’t like eating cold salads.  I like my raw vegetables at room temperature…like they were just picked. 
  • I like to sleep in silk…
  • I absolutely despise littering and people who are inconsiderate.
  • I hate lying and empty promises.
  • I like to be spoiled and there’s no shame in that. (In the past I’ve been made to feel very guilty about it). 
  • I like to wake up early but sometimes I like to ease into my day. 
  • I mix up sayings, and I’m ok with that.
  • I like to socialize but I also like my space. 
  • I love to dance but don’t do it nearly enough. 
  • I like the toilet paper to roll from the top not the bottom but it’s not such a big deal I’d worry about it.  It’s a preference. 
  • I don’t like TV’s in the bedroom.
  • I love receiving flowers and jewelry. 
  • I think if you surprise me, it meant you put some thought into it.
  • I think hand written notes are special. 
  • Hugs are worth a thousand words.
  • I like to hold hands.
  • I like to be taken care of but not taken advantage of. 
  • I love the smell of the ocean and the sound of the pebbles as they roll on top of each other. 
  • I can’t decide on a favorite color and I’m ok with that. 
  • I love raw oysters; it’s one of my favorite things. 
  • I am a very expressive and passionate person and I want to be open about it. 
  • I get disappointed a lot.
  • I need honesty.
  • I suck at designing.
  • I really want to travel.
  • Helping people is very important to me.
  • I like eating with my fingers. 
  • I like conversations, not monologues.

I will no longer settle.

I know this sounds like a dating site now but for me it’s discovering who I am.  It’s clearly defining my likes, dislikes, and preferences and understanding that I might change my mind and that’s ok too. Jogging gives me clarity and with that clarity I can see who I really am.  I still want to be sensitive to others, I love that quality, but I also want to be sensitive to myself.  Self-care is very important and it’s very different from being selfish.

So, what about you.  Are you giving more than you are receiving in your relationships?  Is it balanced?  Do you know yourself better than you know others or is it the other way around?  Are you nurturing YOU or just everyone around you? Are your likes and dislikes attached to what someone else likes or dislikes?   

I want you to take the time today to think about what you like, what you don’t like, what works for you and what doesn’t. Get to know who you are…and then love every aspect of that… 

With a smile

Tina