Defying Gravity…

As a singer my life is one big soundtrack.

In this stage of my life, having made the promise to live my 40’s better than I lived my 30’s I now have a new soundtrack. It is from Wicked, A New Musical. I love this soundtrack, but specifically the song Defying Gravity.

FEAR has been a debilitating factor in my life; one that I have had to challenge and continue to challenge.

I was raised to fear everything. I was scared of the rooster (mind you, he did attack me), scared of heights, scared of the water, scared of the dark, scared of being attacked, scared of what people might say or think about me, scared I wasn’t doing it right, scared I might fail, scared I might succeed, scared I wasn’t pretty, scared I’d die from cancer, scared he wouldn’t love me, scared he would leave, scared to be broke and homeless, scared to try, scared not to try….so much fear. Drowning, suffocating, and totally consumed and controlled by it.

So when I was training for my 40k I started to challenge those fears. My dear friend asked if I would go bungee jumping. No way would you catch me jumping off a bridge with nothing but a cord wrapped around my waist. Absolutely not! But as I was jogging, I thought about it and this little voice inside my head quietly said,

“It’s ok Tina, you can bungee jump. You’ll be fine and you might even like it”.

So I trusted that voice and went back to my friend and said,

“Ok, I’ll do it”

(For the record he was totally shocked because I’m more librarian than I am dare devil).

For the rest of the day I was an anxious, scared mess. But I kept reminding myself,

“You aren’t bungee jumping yet. You are sitting in Starbucks enjoying a Chai.”

…oh ya, ok…so I’d calm down. Then I’d start to freak out again.

“Where are you Tina?…I’m in the jeep, the sun is on my face and the wind is in my hair and we’re driving on the highway.”

So, I’d calm down again. I did this repeatedly throughout the day, reminding myself to BREATHE and STAY PRESENT. FOCUS ON NOW.

I am so glad I made the decision JOGGING because if I’d made the decision while driving and then arrived at the bridge, I would have backed out…too scared to even consider walking on the bridge never mind jumping off of it. But I trusted the quiet, calm voice I heard jogging as opposed to the loud, screaming fear… so I walked onto the bridge, with both hands on the railing, inching myself across.

As you can see by the photo, I jumped and I loved it. I loved it because in the moment, mid air, I realized,

“Well, if anything goes wrong there’s nothing you can do about it now, might as well enjoy it.”

And I did. I totally surrendered to the moment and felt such a connection to life, to myself. It was a defining moment that has since helped me in other difficult situations.

As the song says:

Something has changed within me

Something is not the same

I’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game

Too late for second guessing

Too late to go back to sleep

It’s time to trust my instincts, close my eyes

And leap…

So I ask you, are you playing by someone else’s rules? Are you listening to FEAR instead of INSTINCT? Are you ready to challenge that negative, scared voice and rise above it?

BE BRAVE. HONOR YOUR INSTINCT. CHALLENGE YOUR FEAR.

You don’t have to bungee jump off a bridge, but you can step out of your comfort zone. I know you can do it. It might not be easy, but it’ll be worth it because YOU ARE WORTH IT.

With a smile,

Tina

PS. For the rest of the song go to:

17 Defying Gravity (Glee Cast Version)

Enjoy!!!