Dying Car + Martini Meltdown Does NOT = Broken Down Woman

This week my car died. Initially, I didn’t handle the news well. I knew it was coming but it just hit me on the wrong day.

Maybe it’s PMS, or the fact my body was a little achy or maybe it’s fighting the fight alone for so long, whatever it was, after talking to the mechanic, I poured myself a martini, sat in front of the TV and cried. I allowed myself to just sit there and let it out. The loneliness, sadness, the endless stress around money and the weariness I feel of having to handle things alone. I was tired of it and so I let the tears fall.

It’s a car; it’s not the end of the world. I am humbled every day by people who are fighting real fights, far more difficult than a broken down car and stress around money.

A few years ago, the martinis would have kept flowing along with the tears. The anxiety would have got the best of me. But I’m different now.

Now, I have the awareness and skills to make different choices. I am stronger. I am physically stronger and I am emotionally stronger, but I also have bad days and so on Friday, I wept on the couch…

I cried because I thought:

“I wish someone was here to wrap their arms around me and tell me it’ll be ok.”

“Why am I always alone?!”

“Why is this so hard?”

“Why can’t I just get a little help?”

Ah yes, that little victim inside me had a lot to say and I let her say it. She went on and on and on …I just let her talk…and cry…and together we sat on the couch, eating popcorn, sipping a vodka martini watching Sex in the City.

THE NEXT MORNING, I GOT UP AND WENT FOR A GOOD LONG HIKE.

It was a sunny day and I had to do some hill training. It was good timing. Hills require an extra push, extra energy and focus. Hills have truly saved me from myself. So I took all that sadness, loneliness and stress and put it into the mountain. I pushed myself, but I KNEW IT WOULD GET ME OUT OF THE RUT I WAS TRYING TO PUT MYSELF IN.

I used to be a victim. I used to have no control over my life. I used to have no skills.

Today life is different.

Today it is up to ME to change my life, and create what I see for myself and I don’t see a life that incorporates more than one martini over more than one night crying as I watch Sex in the City!

No, today, I have CHOICES. I can choose to face situations from a victim’s perspective or from an empowered perspective. I give the victim her time to say whatever she has to say so she feels heard, but ultimately she no longer has the final say.

Today my life is a thousand times better than it was just two years ago. My life is better than it was six months ago.

MY CAR MAY BE BROKEN BUT I AM NOT.

Internally I am healthier and therefore the rest of my life will reflect that.

Am I stressed over money? Absolutely. It is a huge stress for me right now. One that gives me bad dreams or doesn’t let me sleep at all; however, I am equally focused on changing that situation, as I am training for this marathon. It is with that DETERMINATION and FOCUS that my life will CHANGE.

Really the car is a blip on the radar. Money is stressful, but I am healthy, I am capable and I am determined. NO OPTION TO FAIL. It really is a fantastic motto for all areas of your life.

So cheers to my old car…and here’s to a week of blessings for you all,

With a smile

Tina

PS. Don’t forget to come back on Thursday for the JogBlog and if you are interested, I have 4 new articles on ezine !