I Could Have Been A Bitter Woman…

This blog was inspired by a conversation I had with my nephew.

I believe bitterness is unresolved anger that hasn’t been processed.

Anger is ok if it’s dealt with in a healthy manner. You aren’t a bad person if you are angry. It’s important to channel that anger in a constructive way because it’s not ok to yell at your partner, your kids or your dog. It’s not ok to take it out on your co-workers or the guy in front of you at the intersection.

Anger doesn’t have to be destructive, take root and grow into bitterness or rage. You can talk to a professional who can help you sort through your anger and you can find something physical to let that anger out. I use jogging. It is a force that I use to my benefit. It gets me up hills and pushes me through the rain and wind. Once I have let my anger out physically, I can then deal with the emotions underneath.

I have had a lot of things happen over my lifetime that could have turned me into a bitter person. One example is my ex husband who left me financially bankrupt, emotionally depleted and barely 100 lbs. When we separated he immediately got into another relationship and moved into a wealthy neighborhood. From my perspective back then, he didn’t suffer at all. I paid dearly for his actions. I was left to pick up the pieces of his chaos and destructive nature and move on.

Fast forward ten years…this is an actual journal entry:

This is the GIFT jogging has given me.

Today I didn’t have a shower or put on makeup because I was late and had to hurry to get my hair cut. When I arrived, I quickly ran into the change room…

…and almost bumped into this guy…

…who’s on the phone…

…who just happens to be my EX HUSBAND who I haven’t seen or spoken to in 10 years!

He was distracted and therefore didn’t realize who I was right away. I went into the change area and thought, “OMG!”

I have thought of this moment a thousand times over the years…what I would do, what I would say and here it was before me. My heart went a little faster and I was a little bit in shock.

After I changed, I went to the area to get my hair washed and guess who is right beside me getting HIS hair washed? Yes, yes, it really happened!! So there we are knowing who the other is, sitting awkwardly together as we get our hair washed. It was strange but oddly funny. I felt like I was in a sitcom…was this a bad sitcom? Good sitcom? This was a GREAT sitcom! After I got my hair washed I was led to my hairdresser who was just a few chairs away from HIS hairdresser. We were now sharing the same mirror. (You can’t make this stuff up!)

I sat in that chair and began feeling awkward, trying too hard to appear happy. Then it hit me…

I AM HAPPY!

Jogging has given me this gift of JOY, LAUGHTER and SELF ESTEEM.

I sat in the chair thinking of all the things I could say to him, how I could embarrass and humiliate him but as I fantasized I realized I didn’t need to do or say those things. This man was still the same, ten years later. The chaotic energy around him, inside of him, his grey and aging skin, his obsession with appearing important. It was so good for me to see, and then to look at myself…feeling calm, self assured, happy and content.

He stayed far longer than necessary then came up to me (not sure what he was expecting) and gave me an awkward, and over zealous, “Well, hello there! How are you?” as if that was the first time he’d noticed me. I felt very uncomfortable for HIM.

I calmly said, “I’m well.”

And that was the end of the conversation…I didn’t ask how he was because I wasn’t interested in investing anymore time or energy into this man. He had taken enough. Ultimately if he really wanted to say something of VALUE he would request to meet or ask for my email to drop me a line to indicate that he understood the damage he did not only to me but all the other people he lied to, owed money and left to pick up the pieces. He is still lost in his world of chaos and dysfunction…but that is where he chooses to stay.

I choose LIFE. I choose NOW. I choose HAPPINESS. I choose TINA. I do not choose the past any more. I do not wish to fear something that no longer hurts me. I choose SELF AWARENESS and SELF ESTEEM, DIGNITY and HONESTY. I choose AUTHENTICITY. I choose ME.

True self acceptance and love is running into your ex-husband who destroyed your life a decade ago and feel absolute LOVE and JOY for yourself even when you haven’t had a shower, need a hair cut and have no makeup on…being in your 40′s is AWESOME.

Please don’t let bitterness destroy who you are. Acknowledge your pain, process your anger and move on.

With a smile,

Tina

PS. A special THANK YOU to my friend who allowed me to use her laptop this week to post this blog. My laptop is ‘sick’ and in the shop…it’s old and I will be looking for something new. If you know of anyone upgrading and getting rid of their current one, please let me know! Much gratitude!