What Is Self-Esteem…Really?

Self-esteem is defined as self respect, or the over-all evaluation or appraisal of one’s own self worth.

As children we learn self respect and we decide whether we are worthy through the actions of our parents. We are also influenced by our friends, kids at school, teachers and other family members.

We base our self value on whether we feel LOVED, SUPPORTED, VALIDATED and HEARD.

Through ACTIONS and WORDS our self-esteem is formed in a positive or negative way.

If it’s negative, we begin to create a voice inside our head that tells us we are ugly, stupid, fat or useless. We start hearing that voice instead of the voice of instinct and wisdom which we were born with.

When the negative voice gets louder it will:

  • Affect our choices, judgment, and decisions
  • Affect our appearance or how we carry ourselves
  • Affect how we view ourselves and the rest of the world
  • Affect our emotional and mental well-being (anxiety, depression)

It seeps into our core and begins to CHANGE who we are. It becomes so familiar we don’t even know it’s there. We don’t realize we can change it.

BUT WE CAN CHANGE IT. We can reclaim ourSELF from that negative and warped perspective.

First you must recognize it.

Tired of the negative way I was living, I found my self-esteem through POSITIVE THOUGHTS, POSITIVE ACTIONS and surrounding mySELF with POSITIVE PEOPLE. I was determined to live a better life and made a commitment to understand my past so I could change my future.

I created GOALS for mySELF and I worked hard at those goals. Each time I accomplished a goal, I felt good about mySELF.

I speak kindly to mySELF. I have to consciously tell mySELF I’m smart, pretty and talented. It’s up to me to fill whatever void wasn’t filled when I was a kid. It’s up to me to determine which voice I will listen to: The one trying to sabotage and keep me down or the voice of instinct and love.

Self-esteem as an adult is ultimately a CHOICE.

You have to decide you are worth the fight.

You have to decide to make yourself a priority and to understand your past pain.

You have to take ACTION.

It won’t happen by doing the same things you’ve always done.

When you begin to EMBRACE who you are you begin to claim back your self-esteem.

  1. Surround yourself with POSITIVE people who will SUPPORT you in your CHANGE.
  2. Create GOALS with deadlines and complete those goals. It is in the completion of the goal that the self-esteem is found.
  3. Be AWARE of how you are talking to yourself. If it’s negative, mean or self-defeating, change your thoughts with a positive one. Consistency is key.

Remember: You are a valuable, worthy person because you were born. Your existence on this earth means you have meaning and purpose. Treat yourself with compassion and love and surround yourself with others that do the same.


With a smile,



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