Are You Choosing To Be A Victim?

It’s a horrible thought, but hear me out…

I have openly shared in earlier blogs about my difficult childhood. I grew up very poor, isolated, and was taught to live in fear, guilt, shame and chaos. I rarely felt secure and safe in my home.

FEAR was a ruling factor in my life, and often with FEAR, lies ABUSE.

There are many different types: physical, mental, emotional, sexual, financial, and spiritual.

As a child, I was a VICTIM and as a result I grew up believing I deserved pain whether it be in an abusive relationship or having no security emotionally or financially. It has been a struggle to turn that around and to change the core belief that I don’t deserve a happy, loving, secure, financially abundant life.

Here’s what I know:

The victim I used to be doesn’t serve me as an adult.

I can be COMPASSIONATE towards that little girl; I can NURTURE and LOVE her. I can have EMPATHY and seek to UNDERSTAND her choices as a teenager and young adult and FORGIVE her actions. They were the result of hating herSELF. I can feel badly for her and sometimes feel sad or angry for her; she was wronged in so many ways but…

I can no longer FEED into her victim thinking.

At 8 years old or 17 years old or even at 26 years old I didn’t know any better. At 41 years old I do.

Victim thinking will not serve you.

  • It keeps you at the level of not being able to access your power.
  • It keeps you stuck in the past.
  • It creates negative circumstances.
  • It holds you in a place that is painful not empowering.
  • You become abusive to yourSELF.

I know, it’s a tough one to swallow, but it is the truth. As children we may not have had choices, as adults we do.

We become the captain of our ship. We are in CONTROL of our THOUGHTS, ACTIONS and CHOICES. We can listen to negative or we can listen to positive. We can choose to surround ourSELF with people who support us or with people who stifle and try to control the very essence of who we are. We can seek to LEARN, UNDERSTAND and CHANGE or we can sit in what we know. We can live in fear or we can live in love.

If you were a victim of abuse, I am deeply sorry.

Your pain is valid. Your anger, sadness and fear are valid. Do not ignore or feed the victim – heal her. Show her through a change in your thoughts, actions and choices that there is another way to live. Show her she has been heard. Prove to her she has value, worth, and a voice by creating a new life.

Listen to your INSTINCT not the thoughts and feelings you were taught through your circumstances.


Do this for her then and do this for YOU NOW.

Victims have no control over their circumstances; you are a SURVIVOR. As a survivor you have control over your life. You have proven to be strong, resilient, courageous and powerful.

My wish for you is to claim back your life.

Dream BIG.

Face fears.

Empower yourSELF.

Live the life you were meant to live.

Be who you really are, not the person they tried to make you.



With a smile, love and compassion,


PS. Any blogs that resonate with you, please pass them on. You never know what`s happening behind someone`s closed door and it just might help them when they need it. THANK YOU!


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