I learned a BIG LESSON recently.
It was a tough lesson.
It made me feel emotionally ugly and physically exhausted.
When you detox from alcohol, cigarettes or unhealthy food you initially feel your body adjusting and often times it’s uncomfortable. You may get a headache, nausea or your body will be attacked by the cold or flu.
Once you get through that period of pain and discomfort and your body adjusts to the new, healthy behaviour, you feel better. You have more energy, you thoughts are clearer, you may sleep better and your life is more balanced. You feel really good!
If you reintroduce the past unhealthy behaviours, your body will react far more than before because it’s adjusted to a clean way of living. Your body instinctively knows it’s better for you so in a way, it’s fighting for you to make the right choice.
When you do the same with your values and morals – start living a life of AUTHENTICITY, HONESTY and INTEGRITY the process is the same. When you reintroduce old patterns or negativity, your inner SELF becomes contaminated with an ugly energy.
This past week I suffered from that ugliness. I was very hurt, angry and defensive. Someone from my past was trying to use control and anger to intimidate me. His behaviour indicated he thought I was weak and therefore I needed to show him otherwise. My anger rose up:
“How dare you threaten me! I will protect my happy and joyful life and make you PAY for your idle threats and controlling ways.”
Although, my protective nature is good, it was being exercised in an extremely negative way. Wanting to PUNISH him for being a jerk just ended up severely punishing mySELF.
I was anxious, stressed, angry and teetering on depression.
Those dark, ugly emotions made me feel AWFUL! Because I was responding this way, I was giving this person POWER to turn my life from happy, joyful, and balanced to dark, angry and negative. I was mirroring the very person I was upset about!
This blog was difficult to write.
I cannot in good faith continue to move forward writing about living authentically, joyfully and with integrity knowing I behaved with such negativity.
I am human. I make mistakes, but I’m continuing to LEARN, GROW and CHANGE just like you.
Living authentically and with integrity also means you admit when you’re wrong. You acknowledge and take ownership for your behaviour.
That is exactly what I did and immediately I felt the weight lift and my energy change.
I didn’t have to announce this to you. I could have kept it private, but my conscience, my integrity and what I feel is important does not allow me to do that.
My inner core coils at the thought of being dishonest or leading a life that is not with integrity.
What I’ve learned is my anxiety is another version of my instinct. It is the loud, ugly barometer forcing me to listen to my conscience. It was my body’s way of saying:
“Tina, this is not what you believe. This is not who you are. This is not right. You must make amends or I’m going to keep torching you.”
I LIVE WHAT I SPEAK.
I HONOR THESE WORDS I WRITE TO YOU.
It’s not easy, it’s not flawless and it’s not always fun…but it is AUTHENTIC, TRUTHFUL and REAL.
This is who I am. This is my truth and I continue to share it with you in the hopes that you LISTEN to your INSTINCT, whether it comes in the form of a quiet voice, or the loud bullhorn of anxiety.
LISTEN. DO THE RIGHT THING. SAVE YOURSELF THE PAIN.
With a smile,
Tina
PS. I have other blogs categorized on the right side panel that deal with anxiety and depression, fear, instinct, and toxic relationships if you want to learn more about this process of LIVING AUTHENTICALLY.
PPS. Thank you for your continued love and support. You are in my heart.
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