Because I used to be depressed, loneliness was my shadow…following me no matter if I was by myself or in a room full of people.
“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you are alone with.” Wayne Dyer
I love Wayne Dyer and that may have been true then; however, if I take that quote in and of itself now; I disagree. Generally speaking TODAY I am happy but that does not mean I am immune to loneliness OR that I do not like the person I am alone with (ME).
I go for long periods of time where I am full of JOY and GRATITUDE now that my mental and emotional wellness is my priority. I am CONNECTED, feel BLESSED and life has a natural flow and ease.
But from time to time, I get lonely.
I’m human so I long for affection, touch and that deep connection you have with a loving partner. I sometimes yearn for it but it does not mean I don’t like who I am! It can simply be hormonal or other times it’s lack of sleep or proper self care. I recognize the cause and realize I won’t be alone forever, it just means I’m alone right now.
…and that is okay…
In fact, the healthiest thing for me is to be alone if the other choices are unwise.
Being alone doesn’t scare me because I BELIEVE IN LOVE; being with someone who is not good for me just because I am by myself, that scares me very much.
I have never felt so lonely as when I was in my dysfunctional relationships. It’s a different loneliness…I found it to be deeper and more isolating.
“China, all the way to New York…I can feel the distance getting close. You’re right next to me but I need an airplane…I can feel the distance as you breathe.” ~ Tori Amos
I felt I couldn’t tell my friends or family that I was dying in the relationship because we were playing the game so well…pretending…I didn’t think anyone would understand. I believed “ME” no longer existed and was replaced by “WE”. Disclosure of the truth would shatter the illusion…the fantasy would no longer exist…
“China decorates our table…funny how the cracks don’t seem to show” ~ Tori Amos
I believed staying in the relationship and living with the deep, profoundly painful loneliness was the only other option…I felt stuck and didn’t know how to get out. I didn’t know how to reconnect to him, to me and to my life.
“Sometimes I think you want me to touch you. How can I when you build the great wall around you? In your eyes I saw a future together…Oh you just look away…in the distance…” ~ Tori Amos
Loneliness can be an indication that something isn’t working in your life. If you are in a relationship and feeling lonely are you communicating or being validated? Do you feel disconnected from your partner? Are you speaking to each other with kindness and love or are you disassociating or being critical? Is there any physical contact?
What is the priority?
If you are single, maybe your life needs to include more people…take a look inside and see why the loneliness is growing because it is something you can change. Make sure you choose wisely. In this case, I agree with Wayne Dyer…you want to LOVE, APPRECIATE and RESPECT yourSELF so you do not enter into unhealthy relationships due to loneliness.
Loneliness can be a great teacher if you are listening.
With a smile,
Tina
