Over the weekend I received the same message from three different people. These people did not know each other and were both male and female, ranging from an age of mid twenties to mid forties.
In one instance, I was relaying a story about my previous weekend. I went for drinks with a friend not knowing the other 10 people who showed up. We were at a restaurant that later turned into a nightclub with a crowded dance floor.
I really wanted to dance…
…but I did not dance…
I sat in my chair, stuck by my own LIMITED THINKING.
In my mind, if I’m flirty, sassy, spontaneous and playful Tina oozing sexuality and passion and I show my wild side, I’ll attract attention. I fear I’ll make other women uncomfortable or I’ll be judged and I may attract attention from men I don’t particularly want…so I limit myself. I am frustrated and realize this is the pattern, the category, the small, lonely little corner that I now exist.
The individual in his twenties very casually asked me:
“How’s that working for you?”
Terribly! It’s not working at all! In fact, it’s making me MISERABLE, FEEDING FEARS and INSECURITIES and taking me further away from my TRUE SELF.
He shrugged, smiled and I laughed because he was putting me in the hot seat where I usually put others…he challenged me and I realized somewhere along the way, striving to live with INTEGRITY I morphed into PERFECTIONISM. Yuck.
It reminds me of a Conscious Divas function I attended. I didn’t really know any of the women that night. The exercise was to strut down the red carpet. Music was pumping and since I love to dance, I decided:
“The hell with it, I am going to be me.”
I swiveled my hips, strut my stuff, had fun and embraced being a woman: Strong, sexy and alive!
Funny thing, I made friends that night. I had one woman say that BECAUSE I showed my sassy side, it allowed her to do the same; therefore, enhancing her experience. My friend Kim, who I met that night said to me this weekend:
I love that Tina! She’s fun, sassy and full of fire! That’s what I was attracted to that night…your energy!
In a separate conversation, I was debating (over analyzing) something and another friend said:
“Don’t think so much.”
I laughed, It’s true. Instead of allowing myself to just be present, or take a leap of faith, I stop myself by over analyzing and thinking of all the pluses, minuses, what ifs etc. It is limiting my life.
It reminds me of a great article featuring Tina Fey. She spoke of her training in improvisation and how it’s helped her in life. In improv, when someone presents an idea, you accept that idea and go for it. If you say no, you block the scene from going anywhere.
You must say YES for the scene to expand and evolve.
She then applied this to life. Generally speaking she said “YES” to most experiences or opportunities that came her way.
“Greet everything with a YES.”
“The FUN is always on the other side of a YES.”
By saying “YES” she created the life she has now.
How great is that? I love it and I’m paying attention to the messages I am receiving:
“Be who you are! Let your hair down! Show your fire! Get a little wild! Let go of your limitations and open yourself up to the opportunities for FUN! SAY YES!
Indeed…that’s a good life choice.
What YES are you going to embrace today?
With a smile,
Tina
