Ug, that question plagued my life for 30 years.
Why am I here? What am I suppose to be doing? Why isn’t the answer easy? Why do I feel so lost? Confused?
It was a heavy phrase that boomed in my head, haunting my life:
WHAT IS MY LIFE PURPOSE ?
In my early 30’s I was deeply depressed and it took all my energy to get off the couch and meet someone for coffee. I isolated, wrote in my journal and cried day upon day. I was in a very dark place.
During that time I was the female lead performing up to six shows a week for a musical theatre production. I forced myself to get on stage but inside I felt exhausted, deeply sad and totally alone. Once I was singing and connecting with the audience I felt better, but it was a struggle to get there. When I got home, the darkness would cover me again. Day after day and week after week this went on.
One day sitting on my deck watching the rain fall, I cried uncontrollably and said out loud:
“Why did YOU (the proverbial “you” meaning: God, universe, spirit, light, energy, life etc) give me this voice if you aren’t letting me use it in a large capacity? Why don’t you just take it away if you don’t want me to use it?”
I was drowning in darkness and my pity pot was deep. I had expectations and they weren’t being met so anger filled any holes that depression and anxiety left behind.
THE VERY NEXT DAY I LOST MY VOICE FOR THREE WEEKS!
I couldn’t make a sound. I was literally speechless. If I thought I was sad, lonely and miserable before, this was an even darker place. I was terrified my voice wouldn’t come back leaving me without an income or any sense of value and purpose as a person. It was a humbling experience and I vowed never to disrespect my singing voice, my speaking voice ~ my voice ever again.
Years went by and I made some changes but there was a large part of my life that remained empty. I didn’t feel AUTHENTIC. I wasn’t leading an HONEST life. I still wasn’t LISTENING to my INSTINCT. I was letting other people dictate my BELIEFS, VALUES, and MORALS. I was not being true to mySELF.
I changed my life by doing three things:
- I made a DECISION to live life better in my 40′s than I’d lived in my 30′s.
- I was passionate about UNDERSTANDING who I was and how I got here.
- I JOGGED.
Today my life purpose is not about what I do, it’s about who I am and how I connect to mySELF and to others. It’s a PASSION towards living authentically and understanding, listening, honoring and respecting my inner voice. BY LIVING AUTHENTICALLY, I AM LIVING WITH PURPOSE. How do I know? Because when I do it, I feel absolute JOY.
I want you to understand what the struggles, pain, challenges and all the life experiences mean and how it can serve you and others.
If you are struggling with finding your life purpose I encourage you to become interested in who you are and how you got here. Be as curious about yourself as you would the new person you are dating. Ask yourself questions. Listen for the answers. Pay attention to what makes your heart sing and who makes you cry. What elevates you and what brings you down.
I encourage you to find a healthy method that helps you connect to yourSELF. It could be jogging, meditation, yoga, cycling, or hiking. Listen and you will hear your own voice and through that voice, you will FIND YOUR PURPOSE. I’m excited for you to discover your inner, beautiful, amazing SELF, and then what gifts you will give the world.
Honor yourSELF, and you will find your JOY.
With a smile,
Tina
PS. This beautiful photo of Vancouver, BC was taken by the very talented Carmen How. For more information please go to my “Supporters Page”.
