I hate disappointing people.
My stress and anxiety rise when someone I care about asks me to do something and I have to say, “NO”.
I understand that saying “NO” is another form of SELF CARE, but it is one of the harder ones for me to do. I don’t want to disappoint people, or hurt their feelings. I want to be a support system or a source of love and nurturing but sometimes if I am loving, nurturing and supporting them I am neglecting my own needs.
If I neglect my own needs that’s fertile ground for the seed of resentment to grow. Resentments are an ugly, negative and dark energy that I don’t want poisoning my body, mind or spirit. By saying, “NO”, I am actually nurturing the relationship between the other person and mySELF because I am HONORING MY INSTINCT and respecting the other person by being HONEST with my intentions.
Intellectually, this is very clear in my mind. It makes sense.
INSTINCT is our inner guide which sole purpose is to protect us and keep us from harm both physically and emotionally.
If my INSTINCT says to say “NO”, I should listen.
So, why is it so hard sometimes? Why do I feel so guilty?
I think it’s a combination of things:
- I don’t want to disappoint people. I want to be able to provide whatever they need.
- I don’t want people mad at me. I hate conflict so I always want to maintain peace.
- I want people to love me and fear if I say “NO” they won’t like me anymore.
- I genuinely want to do for others because it brings me JOY and HAPPINESS.
In the past I’ve said, “YES” knowing full well it was going to be difficult for me to follow through. I knew how badly the person wanted me to help so I said “YES”. In this situation no one is happy because I couldn’t honor my word to them due to time or other commitments and ultimately I didn’t honor my INSTINCT when it told me to say “NO” in the first place! By saying ”YES” I just created a more complicated and awkward situation.
It is best to say “NO” in the beginning when your INSTINCT quietly says what is right and wrong for you. It can be uncomfortable in the moment but will ultimately save you and the other person from negative feelings in the long run.
REMEMBER:
YOU ARE HONORING YOUR RELATIONSHIP BY BEING HONEST.
SPEAK WITH INTEGRITY.
SPEAK FROM A PLACE OF LOVE.
If you aren’t accustomed to saying “NO” it will be difficult for you in the beginning.
By saying “NO” to them, you are saying “YES” to yourSELF.
People may not like this new you because they are used to you always saying ”YES”. They’ll get over it. If they don’t perhaps that is a relationship you need to evaluate. Although they may be disappointed in your answer, they are also given the opportunity to be supportive towards YOU and your decisions.
Take the time to LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCT. It is your guardian, parent, guide, teacher, protector and source of infinite wisdom.
Honor.
Respect.
With a smile,
Tina
