Mexico, Margaritas and a Mammogram…

February 15, 2011 By Tina Moore Leave a Comment

A week from today, I will be poolside on a long over due holiday. This is something I have wanted for years but due to circumstances I was involved in, the holiday never seemed to happen. It’s interesting to me now, being on the other side of understanding. What I’ve learned is this:

You only realize how limited your life is once you FREE yourself from that limitation.

I used to be really stuck and at that time, I didn’t have the strength or knowledge to get out. I believed in others instead of myself. I protected others instead of myself. I accepted the limitations and as a result, I suffered with depression and anxiety. I wasn’t being true to myself, my beliefs, or my instinct. I have made changes since then and as a result I am experiencing more joy and incredible opportunities. This trip is one of them.

This lovely Mexican get-a-way is a GIFT…

I feel BLESSED. This gift is so generous and it’s probably the first trip I’ve ever taken where I’m not worrying about someone else. I can relax and just be…

The first time I ever had a ‘fun-in-the-sun’ holiday was with my sister. I cried on arrival. I stepped into our room, which was gorgeous, stepped onto the balcony overlooking the endless pool and ocean, and realized this was a gift that I wasn’t giving myself. I was overwhelmed with emotion because at the core I felt like I didn’t deserve it.

I feel truly BLESSED to be able to go on this lovely holiday and there’s not the issue of whether I deserve it or not. I am going to RELAX, and I am going to have FUN!

When I get back, I will go for a MAMMOGRAM in March.

In my family I have breast cancer on both sides. My aunt on my Mother’s side is a survivor, having had a mastectomy years ago. On my father’s side, my half sister survived, along with a cousin but my grandma, my father’s mother, died from breast cancer.

It is in my genes.

So, now at 41 it’s time to get a mammogram.

I’m scared to death.

It’s not really rational, because I’m doing something that is good for me. I’m doing something that is a preventative way to avoid breast cancer. I am getting an X-ray of my breasts, as a way to detect any problems at an early stage. I am taking control of the fear by having made the appointment…

So why does it scare me so much?

In my thirties it scared me because I knew I wasn’t living my best life. I was disappointed in who I was and what I was doing, specifically in my personal life. The possibility of cancer scared me because I knew I had not been honoring myself.

Now the fear is around the fact I am starting to live my potential, my truth and I don’t want it to end. I feel for the first time in my life, that I am on the right path. I have unloaded the negativity that was weighing me down and I am embracing the essence of who I am.

Allowing the fear to paralyze me, isn’t an option. I need to take the exam and move forward. I have a greater risk of getting breast cancer due to my family genes. According to the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation, one in nine women will get breast cancer in their lifetime (by the age of 90); however, women have an 87% chance of surviving for at least 5 years after being diagnosed.

ALL WOMEN SHOULD BE BREAST AWARE. PLEASE CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION.

My mammary glands and I will be in Mexico, with a peace of mind knowing the appointment is made and the fear is challenged. We will enjoy the sun, the fun and yes, I will run!

If you have been putting it off, please make an appointment for a mammogram today. If you are scared, I understand but together we’ll face that fear and get ourselves checked. If you can’t do it alone, make an appointment with a friend and do it together. Our breasts are important. YOU ARE IMPORTANT. Take care of yourself; start today.

With a smile

Tina

PS. The blogs will continue as normal while I’m away, so don’t forget to check back on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and then kindly pass it on as you never know how it might help someone. Thank you.

THE Jog Blog – 16

February 10, 2011 By Tina Moore Leave a Comment

A Great Saying Heard This Week:

Forgive the past, dream the future and live the present. Build a bridge and get over it! (I love that!)

Early Morning Facebook Status:

Tina has a face only a nap could love

Tina’s Inner Buddha:

Don’t look behind when you are running forward

That “Inner Buddha” moment was brought to you by almost falling off my treadmill trying to look at my own butt! Good metaphor for life though.

February 3, 2011 – JOG 9K (10 min run, 1 min walk)

I don’t feel very good right now. You think I’d learn but I was crunched for time so I ate quickly then hopped on the treadmill. Now, I will suffer for a few hours. Ug.

Glad I did it though! (Jogged that is)

February 4, 2011 – JOG 18K (10 min run, 1 min walk)

I was scheduled to run on Sunday but have to work so looking at my schedule over the next 3 days I decided today is the better day.

I jogged 14.4K instead of 18K. I had to stop. My back, hip and more importantly my feet were causing me great pain. I tried to run through it, not ignoring the pain but shifting my thinking to something else. Oftentimes that will work because it’s more my self-sabotaging personality kicking in than actual pain. This time was different. The pain didn’t go away. I also got a blister, indicating that the new shoes might be too big, although they felt fine.

When I stopped, I stood there and cried. I wept because I was frustrated, disappointed and in pain. I drew myself a cold bath and sat in the frigid water and cried some more. The cold water helps with the lactic acid build-up. Once I had a shower, I just took it easy the rest of the day.

February 5, 2011 – REST

February 6, 2011 – CROSS TRAINING

I did my usual 45 minutes of cross training. It was great. I continue to focus on the individual muscles. Cross training also helps me practice patience because the tendency is to rush the exercises, but that means I could do them incorrectly. It’s not about speed; it’s about accuracy. Patience is required.

February 7, 2011 – SPEED TRAINING

I ran 9 minute miles today. I did the same as last week and ran in miles instead of kilometers. I ran 3 repeats of one mile at a 9-minute mile pace. I put up a corkboard with some goals like my marathon time as well as some business goals. I have my intentions for living an authentic life listed and I have my motto. It’s a great way to focus on positive thoughts and key goals and not be swayed by the fatigue that sets in. It was a good work out.

February 8, 2011 – REST

I went to LadySport and Brett was fantastic as always. I explained what happened during my long run and he immediately had me try other options. We settled on some Mizuno’s, the original brand I’d started out with two years ago. He said the New Balance has a firmer arch support, which could have been too much for me. This would make my feet feel like they had to push over to the side, landing on my small toes.

What impresses me about LadySport is their intention. They want the best fit for you. They don’t want you running in shoes that are causing you blisters, sliding in the heel or don’t have enough support. They realize you have to put the shoes in action in order to know how they will fit, that’s why they recommend you wear them on a treadmill first.

If you have new shoes, run a shorter distance first, then a longer distance if you can. Jog for about 45 min to an hour and you should be able to tell if they are ok. I always find with new shoes that my feet burn underneath, however it goes away within a couple times of wearing them.

February 9, 2011 – CROSS TRAIN

Normally I would cross train in the morning but today I did it in the evening. I think the extra stretches before bed and the rolling will make for a good night’s sleep. My stretches are better now that I’ve seen Benita at Ocean Wellness. My spine was really out because my muscles are tight. I will see Kathryn Gaudet, Registered Massage Therapist, for a massage next week. I’m really excited!

On a separate note: I wrote in my other journal this week,

“I’m so excited. I’m excited for my life. Isn’t that awesome?”

It’s such a difference from two years ago. I am excited about the possibilities and opportunities that are happening right now…I owe it all to JOGGING and making CHOICES that are true to my INSTINCT. I owe it to living AUTHENTICALLY and surrounding myself with people who are the same. I am so grateful for all these BLESSINGS.

THANK YOU for your amazing emails and messages. I LOVE hearing from you.

BETRAYAL – To Seduce And Desert

February 8, 2011 By Tina Moore 4 Comments

Betrayal Sadly, I am not alone when I say I have been betrayed in my life – many times.

It started at a young age; too young to fully comprehend the profound impact of the betrayal but old enough to instinctively know it was devastatingly wrong.

At first I was guarded and didn’t trust anyone but as I grew older my choices in the people I trusted reflected that initial betrayal. I now understand that I chose people who seemingly were incapable of being loyal, honest or forthright. I chose the manipulators of the world because those were the ones I knew best.

Why? Why would I subject myself to such pain over and over again?

The last time that happened to me I made a conscious decision.

“I’m DONE.”

I was so sick of feeling like crap because of how someone else’s actions affected me. I was tired of feeling devastated, exhausted, deeply sad and constantly worrying about what the other person was doing because I knew in my gut, it wasn’t good. I knew I was being lied to, on a regular basis. That’s a horrible feeling. It took everything out of me so I was left completely empty, literally left with nothing.

I made a conscious decision to figure out what it was inside of myself that allowed such appalling and despicable behavior. What part of me felt comfortable in that painful chaos? Why did I choose to be involved? Ultimately, that’s the difficult but key question to answer because I know I played a part in all this.

What I wanted to know and truly understand was, WHY?

Why did I devalue myself to such an enormous degree that I would be a player in this toxic game?

You have to UNDERSTAND before you can CHANGE.

I have been processing, which includes:

  • Crying
  • Yelling
  • Cursing
  • Praying / meditating
  • Reading
  • JOGGING
  • Cross training
  • Speed training
  • Hill training
  • Hiking
  • Journaling

I am fiercely determined to heal the wound that continues to feed this lesson.

So I dig deep, peeling open the source of pain and allowing all the grief, heartache, anger, sadness and fear to come to the surface…30 years worth…slowly oozes out…

I clean that wound with love. Love for myself.

I do and say things that nurture the very core of who I am. For me, I believe it’s the only way to my TRUTH so I don’t repeat prior behavior. I will not allow that toxicity into my life again.

This is not fun; therefore, this is not a daily occurrence. The miracle of this process is now I can look in the mirror and see the real Tina shining through. The person I knew was always there…the happy, loving, caring, fun, quirky, open-hearted Tina.

And being open-hearted is a choice. I don’t want to be an angry, bitter or vengeful person. It’s not who I am and I’ll be damned if I let someone else’s actions plant that seed inside of me.

As the dictionary states, betrayal is seduce and desert. You are seduced into believing the lies and deserted when the truth surfaces, as it always does. The pain runs deep but it’s not so deep it can’t be healed. I am healing every day and if you have been betrayed, YOU WILL HEAL TOO.

Today take care of your heart, your inner spirit and the very essence of who you are. If you honor and respect your true authentic self, then you will attract others that do the same. It must resonate with you first…always with YOU first.

Self-care, self-love and self-respect isn’t selfish…

I understand the pain from all sides, but I also understand that you can heal…

With compassion and love

Tina

PS. Check out this Ezine article…it’s a good one!

THE Jog Blog – 15

February 3, 2011 By Tina Moore Leave a Comment

Tina’s Advice To A Friend:

Take your scale and put it in the freezer. Do not take it out until October!

Tina’s Moment of GRATITUDE:

I GOT A FREE TREADMILL! I am so grateful for this generous gift…and guess who found it? The fabulous Jody Kennett from Leapfit! Thanks Jody!

Tina’s New Nickname:

“Bendy” – I’m very flexible as Jody found out when we were working on stretches!

A Quick Review Of My New Balance Runners From LadySport:

It’s important to get new runners if you have lots of miles on your current pair. It can cause pain in your back, knees and joints. At LadySport, Brett had me try on about 10 pairs before I settled on the New Balance 760. I usually take a size 6 shoe, but these are a 6 ½. They are lightweight but have good support and a nice roomy toe area. I also love the small detail of the gripper shoelace so they don’t come untied. I’m not a big fan of crazy colors on my shoes, so these are a nice, tasteful and stylish looking runner. My foot did slip a little in the heel but once I laced them tighter they were fine.

If you are looking into buying new shoes check out LadySport’s guide to getting the best fit. Click HERE

January 27, 2011 – 10K JOG

I was suppose to jog 10k today but I will be honest and tell you I did not. I turned off my alarm at 5:30 in the morning, rolled over, and went back to sleep. Not happy about it but will accept it for what it is and move on.

January 28, 2011 – CROSS TRAINING WITH JODY

I am always so grateful to do a cross training session with Jody. She is FUN and KNOWLEDGEABLE. We focused on my core, not the upper abs, which she calls the ‘bully’ muscles but the deeper, lower and less obvious muscles, the stabilizers. As she put it to me (and I LOVE this),

“We went back to basics to build your fortress of strength from the inside out”

FORTRESS OF STRENGTH…is that not awesome or what?

She then explained:

“We are targeting your Transverse Abdominals and pelvic floor muscles along with your gluteus medius hip stabilizers. These are your two most important core muscles and all runners, walkers, and triathletes should be starting here and never stopping these exercises!”

So, although the exercises may seem easier, I can tell you they are tough if you do them CORRECTLY. To isolate those muscles you really have to take the time to set your positions and not rush the process. You have to be very aware that you’ve maintained your starting set position. I will do less exercises in my cross training now in order to set and stabilize, but I will be building the foundation I need to move forward to become faster, stronger and without injury.

I WILL BE A FORTRESS OF STRENGTH.

January 29, 2011 – REST

January 30, 2011 – 16K JOG (10 min run, 1 min walk)

Due to an emergency I wasn’t able to run my 16k. Being there for someone I love was far more important and absolutely non negotiable. Something had to give, and in this case, jogging was less of a priority.

January 31, 2011 – REST

I definitely needed another day of rest as well as a day to stabilize my eating schedule again as I didn’t eat well for the last two days. I’ll be ready for tomorrow’s workout with my new training schedule.

February 1, 2011 – SPEED TRAINING (Run 1K at 5:40 pace/km or 9 min mile, repeat 3x)

I ran 3.46 miles or 5.56k in my underwear today. That’s right, my underwear. And do you know why? BECAUSE I HAVE A TREADMILL! There is something liberating about jogging in your underwear…I quite like it! Did I miss the firemen working out beside me? Perhaps a little, but if I get lonely I can always go visit them at the gym.

Ok, I was suppose to run one kilometer at a 5:40 pace/km repeated three times. I set the pace right but forgot the machine was in miles so I actually ran 1.6k at that pace.

I did that three times to make 5.56k, including my warm up and cool down. I feel great!

February 2, 2011 – CROSS TRAIN

I worked out for approximately 45 minutes. I did squats with and without weights. Then I did a seemingly simple one leg lift but when you set the lower core muscles, it’s really difficult to lift that leg without engaging the ‘bully’ stomach muscles so I had to stop and reset my core after every few leg lifts. Then I did a side plank, one leg squat, side leg raise, seated cobra and normal plank. All of those exercises required the setting of the inner core muscles. If I swayed at all, or released those muscles and engaged the other ones, I had to start over and reset. I was frustrated but wanted to do it correctly rather than just get through them. It makes for less exercises per workout time, but more impact on the muscles I am trying to reach.

Don’t forget to check out the 8k, half and full marathon happening in October in beautiful Victoria, BC. Click HERE for more details. This will be my 42k on my 42nd birthday so it’ll be a party! Come CELEBRATE with myself and all the people who are committed to doing this run, it will be nothing but FUN! As of today, you still have 247 days to train. YOU CAN DO IT!

The Prophecy of Pain

February 1, 2011 By Tina Moore 4 Comments

I will not pretend that I know all the answers in life, as I feel like I’m just starting to really learn but one thing I know for sure is this:

Pain will wait for you.

I am talking about emotional pain.

In my 20’s I lived a destructive lifestyle because I didn’t want to deal with my emotional pain. It wasn’t necessarily a conscious thing, but ultimately because the pain wasn’t VALIDATED, PROCESSED, and ultimately HEALED, my decisions in life: career, relationships, health and wellness etc. were affected by it. Situations were created where more pain was added to the initial pain.

For example, I entered relationships that were extremely toxic and dysfunctional. Those relationships were a direct result of not dealing with my past emotional pain. Now, not only did I have the initial pain to deal with, but I also had more hurtful experiences, emotions and memories to process. I had more things to feel guilty, sad, embarrassed, angry or ashamed about.

There’s a great line from the movie “Doubt” with Meryl Streep and she says,

“Every easy choice today will have its consequences tomorrow.”

The ‘easy’ choice would be to just ‘move on’. From my own experiences, I am not convinced that is possible until you’ve truly dealt with the core issues. Avoiding the pain all together by moving on or numbing, is not the answer, nor is it the easy choice, although it may feel better in the moment. As stated in the quote, there are consequences to denial or avoidance.

Some examples of avoiding your core issues are:

  • Drinking or doing drugs (prescription or otherwise) to numb your pain
  • Sleeping excessively (one sign of depression) or not sleeping enough (stress)
  • Over or under eating – not eating in a healthy, balanced way
  • Jumping into relationships and using other people to fill your void
  • Staying in relationships even when they are highly dysfunctional and toxic to you
  • Zoning out on TV, internet or video games, ultimately not engaging in your life
  • Working way too much and not having any balance in your life
  • Isolating
  • Gambling
  • Over spending

Of course, all of these ways of numbing your emotions have serious consequences.

Bottom line: You can’t truly escape your emotions. They are there for a reason, that’s why they won’t disappear just because you want them to. That is the prophecy of pain – it will patiently wait until you are ready or you are forced to deal with it.

If you FEEL your feelings, VALIDATE them, PROCESS them and ultimately HEAL them, you will live a HEALTHIER and HAPPIER LIFE.

I know I make it sound so simple but I truly understand how difficult it is. I understand the enormity of it. Trust me, I get it.

BUT, I also know the other side of it. I know that by facing my emotional pain NOW, I will create a better future for myself. I know that by dealing with it, even though it’s painful, through that pain I’ve found happiness.

It doesn’t mean that I don’t have down days, my blog has shared some of those….but the difference is that those days are less and less and more and more I am living my best life.

If you feel uninspired by your life, stuck in relationships you know aren’t good for you, or you are numbing your pain through ultimately destructive behavior, please honor your pain and get some help. ASK FOR HELP. Find a counselor, psychiatrist or life coach to help you find the core issues and then create ACTION to deal with them. In addition to that, I really encourage you to exercise. I jog without music because it allows me to clearly hear my instinct and then I deal with whatever stress or issues come up. I process through physical exertion and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done for my life.

You can choose to empower yourself and make choices to deal with those painful memories in a healthy way.

I want that for you…and I want YOU to want that for yourSELF.

With a smile, support and love,

Tina

PS. Jody from Leapfit is also a life coach. If you are struggling or feel blocked, I encourage you to contact her for some guidance and support.

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