How The Grinch Stole Jogging – A Twist On The Classic…

Every Who down in Whoville liked JOGGING a lot…
But the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville, did NOT!
The Grinch hated JOGGING! The whole JOGGING season!
Now, please don’t ask why, no one quite knows the reason.

It could be his head wasn’t screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his SHOES were too TIGHT.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

Whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Whos,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown,
At the Who’s who were warm, below in their town.

He knew every Who down in Whoville was fed,
Having eaten their CARBS and getting ready for bed.
“And they’re happy and healthy!” he snarled with a sneer,
“Tomorrow they’re JOGGING! While I’m drinking BEER!”

Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find some way to stop them from RUNNING!”
For tomorrow, he knew, all the men and the women,
Would wake bright and early and put on LULULEMON!

And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise!
That’s one thing he hated!

The NOISE!
NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

Then the Whos, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they’d feast! And they’d feast! And they’d FEAST!
FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!

They would feast on WHO-OATMEAL, and rare ORGANIC Who-Whey.
Which was something the Grinch couldn’t stand for a day!
And THEN they’d do something he liked least of all!
Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small,

Would stand in a circle, with Christmas bells ringing.
They’d stand side-by-side, and the Whos would start STRETCHING!
They’d stretch! And they’d stretch! And they’d STRETCH!
STRETCH! STRETCH! STRETCH!

And the more the Grinch thought of this Who stretching bit,
The more the Grinch thought, “I must STOP, STOP, STOP it!”

“Why, for fifty-three years I’ve put up with it now!”
“I MUST stop this JOGGING from happening! But HOW?”
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

“I know just what to do!” The Grinch laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Grinchy trick!”
“With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick!”

“All I need is a reindeer…”

The Grinch looked around.
But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.

Did that stop the old Grinch? No!

The Grinch simply said,
“If I can’t find a reindeer, I’ll make one instead!”

So he called his dog, Max. Then he took some red thread,
And he tied a big horn on the top of his head.

THEN he loaded some bags and some old empty sacks,
On a ramshackle sleigh and he hitched up old Max.

Then the Grinch said,

“Giddyap!”

and the sleigh started down,
Toward the homes where the Whos lay a-snooze in their town.

All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Whos were all dreaming about JOGGING in pairs.
When he came to the first little house on the square.

“This is stop number one,” the old Grinchy Claus hissed,
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slid down the chimney, a rather tight pinch.
But, if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch.

He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue.
Where the little Who RUNNERS were all set in a row.
“These RUNNERS,” he grinned, “are the first things to go!”

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile that mocked,
As he went ‘round the room, and he took every SOCK!
Leggings! Raincoats! Windbreakers! Bras!
Water bottles! Protein bars! Heart monitors! And exercise balls!

And he stuffed them in bags.

Then the Grinch, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!

Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Whos’ cheese!
He took the WHO-OATMEAL! He took the smoothies!
He cleaned out that icebox as quick as can be.
Why, that Grinch even took their last can of Who-beans!

Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
“And NOW!” grinned the Grinch, “I will stuff up the FLEECE!”

And the Grinch grabbed the fleece, and he started to shove,
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small Who!
Little Cindy-Lou Who, who was not more than two.

The Grinch had been caught by this tiny Who daughter,
Who’d got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
She stared at the Grinch and said, “Santy Claus, why,”
“Why are you taking our JOGGING fleece? WHY?”

But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
“Why, my sweet little tot,” the fake Santy Claus lied,
“There’s a tear on this FLEECE that you can see on one side.”
“So I’m taking it home to my workshop, my dear.”
“I’ll fix it up there. Then I’ll bring it back here.”

And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head,
And he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.
And when Cindy-Lou Who went to bed with her cup,
He went to the chimney and stuffed the FLEECE up!

Then the last thing he took was the log for their fire!
Then he went up the chimney, himself, the old liar.
On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire.

And the one speck of food that he left in the house,
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.
Then He did the same thing to the other Whos’ houses
Leaving crumbs much too small for the other Whos’ mouses!

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It was quarter past dawn… All the Whos, still a-bed,
All the Whos, still a-snooze when he packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their RUNNERS! The leggings! The hats!
The bras! And the hoodies! The watches! The GPS stats!

Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Crumpit,
He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it!
“Pooh-Pooh to the Whos!” he was grinchishly humming.
“They’re finding out now that no JOGGING is coming!”

“They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do!”
“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the Whos down in Whoville will all cry Boo Hoo!”

“That’s a noise,” grinned the Grinch, “That I simply MUST hear!”
So he paused, and the Grinch put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn’t sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn’t be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared down at Whoville! The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small,
Was RUNNING!  Without RUNNERS at all!

They ran in their bare feet and it looked like a game,

They had no problem RUNNING, they ran just the same!
He HADN’T stopped JOGGING from coming! IT CAME!

And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?”
“It came with out RUNNERS! It came without socks!”
“It came without smoothies, or a heart monitor clock!”

And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before!

Maybe JOGGING,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a store.”
“Maybe JOGGING…perhaps…means a little bit more!”

And what happened then?

Well…in Whoville they say,
That the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn’t feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light,

And he brought back the RUNNERS! And the food for that day!
And HE HIMSELF! The Grinch drank their ORGANIC Whey!

Happy Holidays from THE40by40 Jog Blog!

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