How Well Do You Really Know Yourself?

October 26, 2010 By Tina Moore 2 Comments

the40by40 As a child, I grew up in a household that didn’t necessarily nurture individuality and independence but rather fear and insecurity. Like most children, I was sensitive, so I became very aware of what everyone else was feeling and wanted to help them in any way I could.

I hated fighting and would do anything to stop it. I quickly learned how to gauge emotions in our family dynamic and how I could diffuse any upset. I learned how to study the people around me and to create what I thought they needed, often at my own expense.

As an adult I continued that pattern. It has been a great quality in many ways. As an actor, singer and writer, it’s excellent to be able to study and absorb character traits and human emotion and as a teacher I find I am more in tune with my students.

In my relationships, it gets a little more complicated. I was so used to honing in on other people’s needs, wants, emotions and patterns that I overlooked my own. Not only did I overlook them but I became totally unaware of myself. (That’s not completely true, I was aware of my feelings, but due to old patterns, their needs became more important than my own).

In my past relationship, I could tell you a thousand things about what my ex likes or dislikes. What makes him crazy or what is important to him. I could tell you his biggest fears and insecurities, his life story…a thousand times over. I could give you in absolute detail his physical traits and his emotional triggers.

I was so in tune with him, and his needs; that mine were ignored. I really didn’t know myself, because I knew him so well.

Jogging has helped me get back to myself.

  • I now know that I don’t like eating cold salads. I like my raw vegetables at room temperature…like they were just picked.
  • I like to sleep in silk…
  • I absolutely despise littering and people who are inconsiderate.
  • I hate lying and empty promises.
  • I like to be spoiled and there’s no shame in that. (In the past I’ve been made to feel very guilty about it).
  • I like to wake up early but sometimes I like to ease into my day.
  • I mix up sayings, and I’m ok with that.
  • I like to socialize but I also like my space.
  • I love to dance but don’t do it nearly enough.
  • I like the toilet paper to roll from the top not the bottom but it’s not such a big deal I’d worry about it. It’s a preference.
  • I don’t like TV’s in the bedroom.
  • I love receiving flowers and jewelry.
  • I think if you surprise me, it meant you put some thought into it.
  • I think hand written notes are special.
  • Hugs are worth a thousand words.
  • I like to hold hands.
  • I like to be taken care of but not taken advantage of.
  • I love the smell of the ocean and the sound of the pebbles as they roll on top of each other.
  • I can’t decide on a favorite color and I’m ok with that.
  • I love raw oysters; it’s one of my favorite things.
  • I am a very expressive and passionate person and I want to be open about it.
  • I get disappointed a lot.
  • I need honesty.
  • I suck at designing.
  • I really want to travel.
  • Helping people is very important to me.
  • I like eating with my fingers.
  • I like conversations, not monologues.

I will no longer settle.

I know this sounds like a dating site now but for me it’s discovering who I am. It’s clearly defining my likes, dislikes, and preferences and understanding that I might change my mind and that’s ok too. Jogging gives me clarity and with that clarity I can see who I really am. I still want to be sensitive to others, I love that quality, but I also want to be sensitive to myself. Self-care is very important and it’s very different from being selfish.

So, what about you. Are you giving more than you are receiving in your relationships? Is it balanced? Do you know yourself better than you know others or is it the other way around? Are you nurturing YOU or just everyone around you? Are your likes and dislikes attached to what someone else likes or dislikes?

I want you to take the time today to think about what you like, what you don’t like, what works for you and what doesn’t. Get to know who you are…and then love every aspect of that…

With a smile

Tina

THE Jog Blog – 2

October 21, 2010 By Tina Moore 3 Comments

Tina’s Favorite Facebook Status:

“Ouch, ouch, Ouch, ouch, Ouch, ouch…just my butt talking to itself.”

Best Response To That Status:

“Talking or just making wise cracks?”

Tina’s Quote Of The Week:

“I am pushing myself, challenging myself and realizing how strong I am, inside and out. That is an awesome feeling for someone who always felt less than, weak or insignificant”

This week I was introduced to Melanie Burgon – Holistic Nutritionist. I am very excited to work with her to find the balance of WHEN to eat, WHAT to eat, HOW MUCH to eat in relation to my training schedule. I have found food to be a very difficult element of training so I am grateful for the help.

Here are some of my journal entries from this week, for some reason there was an ‘ass’ association…just my AP (alternate personality) coming out to play.

Friday, October 15, 2010 – CROSS TRAINING

Dear Tina,

This is your butt speaking. We would like to inform you that we are not happy with you right now. We are in a little pain here, a bit of discomfort and we are not impressed. Please inform us when you are going to take us on another journey to hell. Thank you.

Dear Butt:

Tell it to the hand.

Dear Tina:

The hand flipped me the bird. We really are losing respect for you.

My Dear Butt:

With all due respect, if you had been working as hard as you could have prior to today, you probably wouldn’t be feeling such discomfort. We are all working together here; try to keep up. If you have a problem with it, talk to Jody.

Dear Tina:

FINE! We WILL talk to Jody!

Great, now Jody’s going to know that I’m just talking outta my ass…

October 16, 2010 – HIKE THE HILLS

The right side of my body is tight and ‘ouchy’. It’s nothing I can’t stretch out, but I woke up this morning certainly noticing it. It’s amazing to me that a lunge or hold can make that much impact on your muscles. My little demon doesn’t want to go for a hike today. “Sorry, little demon, no rest for the wicked”.

October 17, 2010 – 8K JOG (Jog 10 min/Walk 1 min)

Well, that was an interesting run. My butt was SCREAMING,

“How am I ever going to get up this hill?! I still have 5 more minutes and I’m totally exhausted.”

I let out this yell of anger and frustration:

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHRRRRG!!”

It’s funny; the hill was so much easier after that.

October 19, 2010 – 6K (Jog 10 min/Walk 1 min)

It’s 6:53 a.m., I set my alarm for 6:15 and then pushed the snooze button for a ½ hour…I use my cell phone as my alarm, and it has this cheerful ring tone. I hated that ring tone this morning…

Later today:

Well, it was a beautiful morning, sunny and much warmer than I’d anticipated. I have to say, as much as I bitch and whine and complain…and as hard as it is sometimes to get out of bed or to do those cross training exercises or push myself up a hill…

  • I LOVE THE CHALLENGE.
  • I LOVE HOW IT MAKES ME FEEL PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY.
  • I LOVE ACHIEVING THE SMALLER GOALS, WHICH LEAD TO THE BIGGER GOAL.
  • I LOVE THE STRESS RELEASE
  • I LOVE FEELING INDIVIDUAL MUSCLES, KNOWING THEY ARE WORKING
  • I LOVE THE INTENSITY, THE CLARITY AND THE WILL TO SUCCEED.

OMG, I just had a thought…I hope the nutritionist doesn’t tell me I can’t have butter…or Chai….we’ll have to negotiate

October 20, 2010 – CROSS TRAINING

It’s amazing how quickly morning comes. I feel like I just went to bed, but here it is 7 hours later and I’m in darkness trying to wake up so I can do some exercises.

Met with Melanie, the nutritionist. This was my favorite quote,

“You’re an athlete.”

I LOVE that. If you think of something that you never ever thought you’d ever hear someone say to you, and then it happens in real life…”You are an athlete.” Wow. I honestly never in my wildest dreams thought I’d ever be called that. I know I’m training but I don’t see myself as “athlete”. It’s really cool that someone else does!

Dying Car + Martini Meltdown Does NOT = Broken Down Woman

October 19, 2010 By Tina Moore 1 Comment

This week my car died. Initially, I didn’t handle the news well. I knew it was coming but it just hit me on the wrong day.

Maybe it’s PMS, or the fact my body was a little achy or maybe it’s fighting the fight alone for so long, whatever it was, after talking to the mechanic, I poured myself a martini, sat in front of the TV and cried. I allowed myself to just sit there and let it out. The loneliness, sadness, the endless stress around money and the weariness I feel of having to handle things alone. I was tired of it and so I let the tears fall.

It’s a car; it’s not the end of the world. I am humbled every day by people who are fighting real fights, far more difficult than a broken down car and stress around money.

A few years ago, the martinis would have kept flowing along with the tears. The anxiety would have got the best of me. But I’m different now.

Now, I have the awareness and skills to make different choices. I am stronger. I am physically stronger and I am emotionally stronger, but I also have bad days and so on Friday, I wept on the couch…

I cried because I thought:

“I wish someone was here to wrap their arms around me and tell me it’ll be ok.”

“Why am I always alone?!”

“Why is this so hard?”

“Why can’t I just get a little help?”

Ah yes, that little victim inside me had a lot to say and I let her say it. She went on and on and on …I just let her talk…and cry…and together we sat on the couch, eating popcorn, sipping a vodka martini watching Sex in the City.

THE NEXT MORNING, I GOT UP AND WENT FOR A GOOD LONG HIKE.

It was a sunny day and I had to do some hill training. It was good timing. Hills require an extra push, extra energy and focus. Hills have truly saved me from myself. So I took all that sadness, loneliness and stress and put it into the mountain. I pushed myself, but I KNEW IT WOULD GET ME OUT OF THE RUT I WAS TRYING TO PUT MYSELF IN.

I used to be a victim. I used to have no control over my life. I used to have no skills.

Today life is different.

Today it is up to ME to change my life, and create what I see for myself and I don’t see a life that incorporates more than one martini over more than one night crying as I watch Sex in the City!

No, today, I have CHOICES. I can choose to face situations from a victim’s perspective or from an empowered perspective. I give the victim her time to say whatever she has to say so she feels heard, but ultimately she no longer has the final say.

Today my life is a thousand times better than it was just two years ago. My life is better than it was six months ago.

MY CAR MAY BE BROKEN BUT I AM NOT.

Internally I am healthier and therefore the rest of my life will reflect that.

Am I stressed over money? Absolutely. It is a huge stress for me right now. One that gives me bad dreams or doesn’t let me sleep at all; however, I am equally focused on changing that situation, as I am training for this marathon. It is with that DETERMINATION and FOCUS that my life will CHANGE.

Really the car is a blip on the radar. Money is stressful, but I am healthy, I am capable and I am determined. NO OPTION TO FAIL. It really is a fantastic motto for all areas of your life.

So cheers to my old car…and here’s to a week of blessings for you all,

With a smile

Tina

PS. Don’t forget to come back on Thursday for the JogBlog and if you are interested, I have 4 new articles on ezine !

THE Jog Blog

October 14, 2010 By Tina Moore 6 Comments

Tina’s Words Of Wisdom:

Do NOT buy bags of chips that are bigger than your head (or your dog). It’s just a bad idea.

Quote Of The Week:

“Give me a body that firemen will fight over.”

Top Three (yes, only three) Reasons I Like Cross Training:

  • I can cross train in a push up bra
  • I can cross train inside when it’s cold and miserable outside.
  • It’s tough but I can feel it making me stronger and I love that.

Training for a full marathon is going to be a challenge. Thursday blogs will focus on the process of what I have to do to get there. It will also be a time when my AP comes out to play (Alternate Personality). She’s the little demon inside that whines and complains and likes to sabotage. She’s going down!

Here are portions of actual journal entries from the past week based on my training schedule. These have not been altered in any way. This is the real deal:

October 7, 2010

I have to say this morning I only cursed Jody, my beautiful, lovely trainer once and that was towards the end of the run when my calf let me know it was tired.

“Hey Tina! We’re a little sore down here, can you walk a little?”

“Sorry guys, tell it to Jody.”

Ah, yes, now JODY will be in charge of the little demon inside of me…the one that whines, bitches, complains and finds every excuse in the book to try to stop…JODY will have to deal with her, not me! MWA-HA-HA….

But in all honesty, I was surprised that the first ¾ of the run (ratio of run 10 minutes walk 1 minute) was actually pretty easy, the last ¼ I had to push a little….and yes, I said, “a little”. I wasn’t killing myself, but Lord, ask the little demon and she’d tell you it was hell.

October 8, 2010

Today was my first cross training day with Jody and it wasn’t bad. I actually laughed quite a bit and realized that although I am a thousand times stronger than I was 2 years ago, I am not as strong as I thought I was. Jody was fantastic. Although she is my friend, I was a little concerned that maybe she’d morph into some sort of horrible character when she took on her role as trainer and that I wasn’t going to like her anymore, thus creating a year of hell and losing a friend….ok, maybe not that bad but I was curious how this would work. I like to have fun, joke around and be a little nutty and although we laughed and had fun, she kept me on target and she certainly pushed me. Oh! I should mention, she asked what my fitness goals are and obviously the marathon is my main goal however I added,

“Give me a body that firemen will fight over”

I’ll let you know how that goes….

October 10, 2010

So, there I am starting my jog and I’m quite honestly feeling tired, sluggish and don’t really want to do it. I understand that I have to and I also know I’ll feel better once I start. I had to go up a hill and normally when I approach that hill if I haven’t had a good rest before, I tend to take my walk break early. I couldn’t do that this time around because I had 3 more minutes of running so I pushed myself up, sucking wind…but I did it!

And do you know why?

Because I don’t want to stray from my training schedule and I want to be honest when I write on my blog. Cheating isn’t an option. YOU KEEP ME ACCOUNTABLE. It’s hard, today wasn’t easy but boy, I can’t tell you how great it feels to push through it, and find yourself at the other end. It shows strength of character, strength in your body and the will to succeed. It’s an accomplishment. It’s 9:00 a.m. and I feel like I’ve already accomplished something today, I love that!

October 12, 2010

Here’s what I don’t like about cross training:

  • PUSH UPS. They suck! If you want to hear strange grunting and full on trucker swearing, come to my house when I’m doing push ups.

October 13, 2010

I woke up at 6:00 a.m. this morning…it’s tough when I didn’t sleep well the night before…going to do a 7k jog this morning…the 10/1 is challenging…my mind is trying to put a block up around it…already whining and I’m still sitting here in my housecoat…amazing.

If I hadn’t gone jogging this morning this is what I would have missed:

  • The sky turning from navy blue, to pink
  • The orange and pink sun shining bright and full
  • The ocean as smooth as glass
  • Ducks cutting through the glass, leaving an etched V behind them
  • A seagull catching a fish
  • My dog gleefully chasing after crows which are far smarter than her and just fly out of her reach, making me laugh every time.
  • A Mom and her two young daughters jogging along the seawall, all laughing

So many blessings before 9:00 a.m. in the morning and I would have missed it all if I hadn’t been out there. Thank you jogging.

5 Reasons Why I Jog

October 12, 2010 By Tina Moore 1 Comment

"Jogging makes me happy"

I was reminded this week of a list I put together during my training for my 40k. The day I made the list, I was jogging. I was having a bit of trouble focusing on positive stuff and was getting tired and sore due to where my thoughts were going, not actual fatigue. I decided to create a top 20 list of why I jog. Funny enough, after that, the jog went by very quickly!

Here are five out of the twenty:

1. I jog for my mental health. Jogging keeps me centered, focused and balanced and I am able to sort through my problems and my emotions. I cry, I laugh and I run really hard when I’m angry or frustrated. Jogging helps me process things in a healthy way so that I am not struggling with depression like I have for so many years.

2. I jog for my childhood. On the most part, I had a crappy childhood and as a young adult I didn’t take care of myself either. I put myself into terrible situations and wasted a lot of time. As an adult in my early 30’s I continued that pattern but disguised it in a different way, or came at it from a different angle. I wasn’t always aware of what I was doing, but jogging has helped me gain clarity. So, I jog for the kid long ago who didn’t understand her value and worth as a person. I jog for the kid that didn’t see she was beautiful, inside and out. I jog for the kid that was so sad, and just wanted to be loved. I jog for her to tell her, she’s being taken care of NOW. It seems silly to some, but to me, I am nurturing her when she’s never been nurtured before.

3. I jog because I am moving forward. It’s a metaphor for life, isn’t it? If I’m jogging I know I’m not looking behind me, I’m not regressing and I’m not stuck. I’m actively MOVING FORWARD, THINKING FORWARD and LIVING my LIFE in a FORWARD motion. I LOVE that.

4. I jog because at 41 years old I’ll be damned if I’m going to live the next half of my life unhappy, unhealthy and surrounded by people who are negative. I jog because it empowers me more than anything in my life ever has. I jog because it gives me STRENGTH to say goodbye to some and hello to others. I jog because it gives me strength to take risks, to dream, to believe and to work hard towards what I want for my life. This is MY LIFE, and it’s time I started to LIVE it. Jogging gives me that focus.

5. I jog because it makes me happy. I am not happy each morning as I’m grumbling, half awake to put on my shoes. I am NOT happy when it is raining or windy and it’s miserable outside. I am not happy when my legs start to ache a little or my back is sore. But I am ALWAYS HAPPY when I finish my workout. If you see number 1, it’s the best thing for my mental and emotional health. So I jog because it is in active pursuit of my happiness.

So those are a couple of my reasons for jogging. I also have an additional list at EzineArticles. It may take a few days to come up but there are a couple other articles there that you might be interested in.

Ultimately you have to find your own reasons for enhancing your life and making changes that will inspire you. Remember, this is YOUR LIFE, and YOU CHOOSE HOW TO LIVE IT.

Choose happiness

Choose love of self.

Choose authenticity.

Choose YOU.

With a smile,

Tina

PS. Check back on Thursday when I’ll post my weekly training journal entries and tell you about my first crosstraining with Jody Kennett from Leapfit

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