THE Jog Blog – 10

December 16, 2010 By Tina Moore Leave a Comment

WE INTERRUPT THIS JOG BLOG FOR A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE

Dear PMS,

Jogging is going to kick your butt today, so please exit quietly and no one will get hurt.

Score: Tina – 1, PMS – 0

Dear PMS,

We will never be friends…

Dear Cupcakes,

I love you…so much…Thank you for always understanding my needs, listening to me and being there for me. You are soft and sweet and fill me with such love. You are my one and only friend. I love how you love me just the way I am.

Your BFF,

Tina

PS. Please quit hanging out with my butt, thanks.

Score: Tina – 1, PMS – 2

Dear PMS,

Thanks for the chaos, see you in a month…(sigh)

December 9, 2010 – CROSS TRAIN

I saw Benita Basra at Ocean Wellness yesterday. My hips were definitely out so I’m feeling better today after she gave me an adjustment. I focused on exercises that Jody from Leapfit gave me to strengthen the muscles to keep my hips in place. Both of these women are instrumental in helping me complete my goal. I am very grateful to them.

I feel really good today. STRONG. HAPPY. FOCUSED. DRIVEN. Fabulous words aren’t they?

December 10, 2010 – 6K JOG WITH HILLS

It was raining so I was soaking wet when I was done but glad I did it. I passed an elderly man who shook his cane at me and said,

“You’re doing a good job, keep going!”

It made me laugh, and keep going.

December 11, 2010 – REST

I’m glad it’s a rest day, I feel tired.

December 12, 2010 – 12K JOG

I am sitting here watching a program on a Cobra swallowing his prey whole…

I am not resembling a cobra today, or a gazelle or a tiger…no, I am more like a koala bear, a slug or sloth…a sedentary animal.

Ok, here come the excuses:

  • Insomnia for most of the night
  • Low energy
  • Early morning
  • My students recital (oh yes, let’s blame them shall we)
  • Didn’t eat well
  • PMS symptoms
  • High stress

And now the truth…I just didn’t feel like it…. I do want the effects that jogging gives me, but I don’t feel like putting in the work…I’ve resolved in knowing it’s not going to happen today. I am not a late afternoon or evening jogger…I am a morning jogger, and it’s long past morning now…

I am not impressed with myself right now…I’ll be honest…Tina, the coach is really ticked off with Tina the athlete. Tina the kid is scared this pattern will continue, Tina the adult is making the decision right now…and Tina the PMS-ing woman is reaching for the cupcakes and saying screw it…

December 13, 2010 – 12K JOG TO MAKE UP FOR YESTERDAY

I think I indulged a little too much last night (2 ½ glasses of wine versus one glass) with my dear friend. Add PMS and you have one unmotivated, lazy, tired and cranky woman.

December 14, 2010 – 12K JOG TO MAKE UP FOR MISSING, AGAIN!

I woke up and realized it’s not the physical workout that I’m avoiding, it’s the long distance by myself. I really don’t jog completely alone though, someone always says ‘hi’ to me, but they aren’t with me for mile after mile. That’s the tough part. Today I was ok, I’M PROUD OF MYSELF that I did it, because it’s a long time to be talking to yourself…

December 15, 2010 – CROSS TRAINING

It was another FUN cross training session. I love the music so I’m singing the entire time. I started the session with dancing in my underwear, and I ended the training with dancing in my underwear. I did sit ups, lunges, push ups, planks, and other various exercises to strengthen the muscles in my legs, arms and core…all, in my underwear. It’s FUN, what can I say…

I saw my friend and coach, Jody Kennett today. Once again she drew out of me, what I needed to hear. She was supportive, loving, strong, compassionate and extremely helpful. This world is a better place because of Jody Kennett.

I also saw my chiropractor, Benita, at Ocean Wellness. She straightens me out in another way. My hip was better today, a little out but not bad but my neck and upper back were out and that’s not due to running, that’s due to writing. If I’m not writing, I’m playing piano so I really need to be conscious of my posture…

Here’s what I know:

Exercising when you are PMSing isn’t fun. Exercising when you are stressed is hard. Exercising when you are super busy is challenging….yes, all true BUT if you can do it, you will feel better…despite my struggles this week, I ALWAYS FELT BETTER AFTER I WORKED OUT.

That’s the TRUTH I always come back to.

Past Perceptions…

December 14, 2010 By Tina Moore Leave a Comment

What do you see when you look at this photo?

  • Do you see an ugly child?
  • Do you see scars on her face? Big ears?
  • Do you see a dirty, shameful, wicked girl?
  • Do you see joy or do you see pain?
  • Do you think she should shut up because she doesn’t have anything good to say?
  • Do you think she feels loved? Safe? Scared? Alone?

I have been forced over the last couple of years to take a serious look into my PAST in order to understand my PRESENT, and then in turn, to change my FUTURE.

My childhood was very painful but I have a part of the story I haven’t been acknowledging. I had people in my life who unbeknownst to them, helped me through it. Some opened their home to me and gave me a safe place to be myself. Some made me laugh from my very core and others made me feel accepted, despite not having any money, and feeling completely unworthy.

I can tell you that their perception of me as a kid and my perception of me as a kid are very different.

As an adult, I look at that photo of myself and I see a sweet little girl with a very big heart who just wanted to love and help people, make them laugh, and be accepted for who she was.

But I also know that inside that little girl felt so ugly, unworthy, dirty, scared, and truly thought she was hideous. I feel so sad that she felt that way about herself…that I felt that way about myself.

Although my inner world was warped and my perceptions were off, the outside world saw someone different. They saw parts of me that I couldn’t see as a child.

For example, for me, my freckles were like scars on my face. I hated each and every one of them. I literally tried to fade them with lemon juice one year while sitting in the sun…as you can imagine this just created a very tight, sour little face…my Mom had some old black book of household remedies and it suggested putting rain water from an old tree trunk on my face…I did that too! I was a funny, weird little kid but I hated my freckles so much and yet I know others loved them.

It’s made me realize that some of the internal stories I’ve been telling myself aren’t true.

Just because I THINK something about myself, doesn’t mean it’s always REAL.

Just because I look in the mirror and think, “God Tina, you are looking old” doesn’t mean I am actually looking old…it just means I need to be kind to myself today because the voice of criticism is rising up and the only way to get it to calm down is to LOVE WHO I AM.

It starts with that little girl…she didn’t know any better…but I do…

Be gentle towards yourself today, love goes much deeper than you think…

With a smile

Tina

PS. Don’t forget you can find me on Facebook too!

THE Jog Blog – 9

December 9, 2010 By Tina Moore Leave a Comment

Tina’s Inner Jogging Buddha:

It’s when you realize you have so much to learn, that you are finally learning…

Tina’s Observation This Past Week:

Money can buy boats, property, nice shoes and fine wines but it does not buy integrity, values and good character.

Tina’s Favorite Cross Training Exercise:

I love the plank-to push up-to plank exercise. I feel strong doing it, it’s challenging and fun.

This week had its challenges both financially and with a difficult situation. How did I handle it? I JOGGED. Why? Because it turned my fear into STRENGTH and helped me connect to my INSTINCT, which told me exactly what I had to do.

Here are my jogging journal entries for the week:

December 3, 2010 – HILL TRAINING (5-6 laps of 2-3 block hills)

What a great, disgusting, funny, invigorating workout. I warmed up by walking the route with my dog. Then I ran 3 laps of hills fairly strong. The fourth lap had its challenge: one big, smelly garbage truck. I would just pass him, then he’d scoot ahead of me and I’d be behind him again…we played garbage-truck tag all the way up the hill. The good news is, he had music blasting so that was kind of fun, the bad news is I was inhaling garbage because I couldn’t get past him! Let your kitchen garbage sit for 4 days in intense heat, then stick your head inside of it, and inhale deeply. That’s what it was like. Disgusting…and kind of funny. Despite the garbage run, I feel great! It’s a beautiful sunny day!

December 4, 2010 CROSS TRAINING

I worked with Jody from Leapfit today. She taught me some new exercises. It’s amazing that seemingly simple exercises can work individual muscles. Not a lot of movement but they get right in there. It’s really cool.

December 5, 2010 – JOG 11K (I jogged 10K)

I had to run 11K today. I was anxious and stressed due to some unwanted conflict in my life. I have to deal with it, but I hate it. I took my dog for a walk with the intention of jogging afterwards. It started to rain. I just didn’t have the strength to face my fears and the rain, so I got back into my car and headed for the local rec center. I paid my $6 and used their treadmill. It was in miles so I ran for an hour and 10 minutes thinking that would give me my 11k, as it turns out I only jogged 10k forgetting I’d walked for 10 minutes to warm up. That’s ok, it gave me exactly what I needed.

December 6, 2010 – REST

I am glad today was a rest day as it was a day from hell. What was confirmed for me today is this: Money can buy boats, property, nice shoes and fine wines but it does not buy integrity, values and good character.

Because I jogged and tapped into my instinct, I knew what was fair and true for today’s situation. I listened to that inner voice and stuck firm to what it told me, despite the emotional beating I took today. By listening to my instinct I know that I saved myself months of grief. For me, that’s progress because I always let other people’s needs, voices and intentions out weigh my own. Not today. I passionately defended my new life and will continue to reject anything that doesn’t fit into my beliefs, values and vision. THANK YOU JOGGING.

December 7, 2010 – REST

I was suppose to cross train today but I was exhausted. I really haven’t quite recovered from yesterday; it was pretty brutal. I decided to sleep in and just be really kind to myself today. I don’t think Jody will mind, in fact, I think she’d encourage it because I am listening to myself today and I need rest.

December 8, 2010 – 7K JOG AND CROSS TRAINING

Since I took yesterday off, I decided to double up today. I did cross training first then I did a series of sit ups to strengthen my core. I want to push myself and do the very best I can do, both in this marathon and in life.

After I cross-trained I grabbed my dog and we went down to the dog park. By the time we finished our walk there was a slight sprinkle of rain. By the time I finished my jog it was a full down pour. Can’t-see-the-front-of-your-car-while-driving, kind of downpour. It was brutal. I was soaked to the skin; my cold clothing sticking to me. My feet were wet, my hat sopping and there was no end to the rain; I was just getting weighed down by the water.

During the jog, I thought of these two strong women I saw the night before running in the same type of rain and I gained strength from their strength. Thank you ladies, whoever you are. You helped me today.

Yes, I want this goal badly. I want to complete the marathon within a certain time AND I want to continue on this path of improving my life: Listening to my instinct and passionately keeping my life free of chaos and toxicity. I am fiercely determined to keep writing and helping people through my experiences.

Jogging gives me clarity, strength and determination. It’s not just about the running it’s also about the challenge. It’s where I belong and I am so very grateful I found my way here.

Self Loathing – What YOU Can Do About It

December 7, 2010 By Tina Moore 2 Comments

I don’t know if it’s the time of year with the holidays coming up or if it’s the darkness that is slowly laying it’s cloak over us or if it’s just more common than we realize, but I have spoken to many people lately who are suffering with sadness, depression and a very cruel inner voice.

I was recently asked the question,

“What do you do about self loathing?”

I know what it feels like to hate yourself so much you can’t look in the mirror. You believe with all certainty that you are hideous inside and out and don’t deserve good things to happen to you. You are fat, ugly, stupid, not talented, a whore, a fake, a bitch, an idiot, dumb, not worth anything etc…You are exhausted, overwhelmed and can’t imagine having to spend another day pretending that everything is fine.

For me, it started as a little girl, and I clearly remember trying to change my personality so kids at my school would like me. It never worked. In my teens it wasn’t much better. In my 20’s I went into counseling and it certainly helped, but the feeling still remained and unfortunately I found new ways to prove to myself that I was unworthy. I found relationships that justified my self-loathing.

“He’s right, I am damaged…I am screwed up by my childhood or I shouldn’t have done that, said that, worn that, felt that, wanted that etc.”

I wore a very good mask to the outside world, but inside I was suffering to the darkest degree. My negative, critical, hateful inner voice was very loud and there were days, months and years of that self abuse.

JOGGING SAVED MY LIFE.

It makes me feel better and it proves to myself that I’M WORTH THE TIME, ENERGY AND EFFORT. It opens me up so I get rid of the toxic, abusive, and damaging voice that’s inside. It gives me strength to say goodbye to relationships that nurtured my abusive inner voice. It gives me an outlet to cry, rage, weep, yell, swear and gain STRENGTH. It nurtures my spirit. It changes my brain chemistry so I feel good on a regular basis. I owe my sanity, emotional stability and deep sense of happiness to the inner work I’ve done through the physical activity of jogging.

If you can’t jog due to health reasons (bad knees, asthma, bad back etc) talk to your doctor and find out what you CAN DO. Some other options could be: cycling, boxing, swimming, skiing, hiking, dancing etc…I find fresh air and nature to be a healing source so I prefer outside activities, but the main thing is to CREATE ACTION, MOVEMENT and to STICK WITH IT.

It won’t be easy…there isn’t an easy button for self-loathing, that’s why people self medicate with drugs, alcohol, shopping, or relationships but just like that negative inner voice wears you down insidious comment after insidious comment, so too can you wear away at it through POSITIVE BEHAVIOR, ACTION and MOVEMENT.

You deserve to shine. With each negative and mean thing you say to yourself, repeat a positive comment in its place. You may not believe it, but do it anyway. Find a physical activity that gets you moving. It will take time, so you need to commit to it for at least three weeks, but you will notice a change in your thoughts and overall mood.

YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. You deserve a joyful, inspired, gentle and kind life where laughter is contagious and love is abundant. Start from within and literally move forward. It’s there for you…

With a smile

Tina

PS. I have a new article on Ezine that is flying past all my other articles in views. Check it out!

THE Jog Blog – 8

December 2, 2010 By Tina Moore Leave a Comment

I am starting this blog slightly different from previous Jog Blogs. I was running yesterday through these trees and saw a sign that said, “Honor a life” and I thought I’d write around a similar theme.

HONOR YOUR LIFE

It’s December and life is going to get busy. It’s going to be stressful, and time will seem too short. It’s the month where you can struggle with sadness, loneliness, high stress due to money or expectations and a lack of sleep. There is more eating and drinking and less balance in life.

HONOR YOUR LIFE

This is the time to rest if you need it. Incorporate some exercise and fresh air to help you deal with stress. I can tell you from experience, that you will feel better and more energized afterwards. Manage expectations and don’t over do it.

HONOR YOUR LIFE

  • Honor your body by making healthy eating choices. Absolutely enjoy some of the fantastic food and sweets but ultimately eat fresh and healthy food to fuel your body.
  • Don’t drink too much alcohol. It’s a time to be social but remember when you have drinks the night before it also affects the next day.
  • Get enough sleep so you will be more present to your loved ones.
  • Honor your choices. If you decide that dinner at your house three nights in a row is too much, say so. It’s ok; others can step in.

HONOR YOUR LIFE

Take the time necessary to care for your needs and you will be more available to others.

Tina’s Emotion of the Week:

Gratitude

Tina’s Favorite Quote After An Awesome Jog:

This is when I look my best – after jogging and after an orgasm.

(My friend almost ran off the road after that comment tee hee)

Tina’s Favorite Songs For Cross Training:

  1. Breakeven – The Script (this is one of my favorites and gets me dancing every time)
  2. Fall For Anything – The Script
  3. Gonna Get Over You – Sara Bareilles
  4. Love Song – Sara Bareilles

November 25, 2010 – SHOVELING SNOW

It’s snowing like crazy. I have been shoveling all day. I did NOT go to the gym today as planned. I had to make the choice of shoveling the driveway and keeping it clear over working out. I’m hard on myself right now because I feel like I’m letting my training be the last priority rather than the first priority and I don’t like that one bit.

November 26, 2010 – REST

My training schedule is all out of whack with the snow this week and not getting to the gym. I have cross trained but I haven’t got my jogs or distance in. It’s tough but I have to plan for stuff like this. I’m frustrated but also working towards a solution…a treadmill. I’m hoping Santa sees my wish list and sends me one…one must still believe in dreams, magic and the gift of love.

November 27, 2010 – 6.5K JOG (10 min jog/1 min walk)

I wanted to run outside but the track wasn’t open and I wasn’t secure in jogging with my shoe grips yet. I went to the gym instead. That’s the first time I’ve been on a treadmill in a long time. I really like it. It’s great for propelling you forward when you feel tired, and I really like cranking up the speed at the very end and giving it all I got. I’m tired, but it’s a good, happy tired.

November 28, 2010 – 8.5K JOG (8.5 min jog/1.5 min walk)

My training schedule says to jog 12K today but I was invited to jog with the Kamloops Run Club so I took advantage of that awesome opportunity. I spoke to my trainer, Jody about it, and she was excited for me as I don’t jog with other people very often. I met Jo and the group at 8:30 a.m. and they had a little warm up and talk. I LOVED it. Jo has awesome energy and she really cares about each individual in the group. The energy, support, love and kindness that was in that room was truly tangible. I didn’t know most of the people but I could tell that just because I was a runner that they supported me. I have to say the dancing in the beginning just totally jazzed me up so any exhaustion I felt, disappeared. I only got maybe 5 or 6 hours sleep but it was still a great jog. I LOVE hanging out with STRONG, COURAGEOUS and FUN women who I am blessed to call my friends. They have no idea how much they have impacted my life just by being themselves. I also was blessed with traction on my runners for the ice and snow and a new jacket that was given to me. I have such supportive people in my life. Thank you.

November 29, 2010 – REST

I’m exhausted…really tired, but in a good way, a happy, nurtured, loved, supported way. Feeling blessed and grateful.

November 30, 2010 – REST INSTEAD OF CROSS TRAIN

I am so exhausted. I slept in and I’m still feeling completely wiped out. I feel like I have a ‘happy hangover’. It’s a good feeling.

December 1, 2010 – 8K JOG (10 min jog/1 min walk)

I was excited to jog. I was tired mid jog because I’m still not planning my food properly but Melanie sent me a meal plan so I will begin implementing that. It felt good to be on the seawall, doing what I love. I also am struggling with my left hip. I can feel my back is out and my left hip is really suffering because of it. I made an appointment with Benita from Ocean Wellness so she’ll put me back into place.

December has arrived so don’t forget:

HONOR YOUR LIFE means you’ll take care of yourself properly during this stressful season. It’s about loving, sharing, giving and enjoying our many blessings. Apply that to yourself this season by eating healthy, getting sleep, incorporating exercise to manage stress and surround yourself with loving, supportive people.

With a smile

Tina

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