Everyone Has A Story, What’s Yours?

Have you ever read the “Choose Your Own Adventure” books?

The front cover states:

“You’re the star of the story! Choose from 44 possible endings!”

Basically you do not read the book from start to finish. The book contains many different adventures and you are asked to make a CHOICE. This choice can lead to success or difficulties. The adventures you have in the book will be a direct result of the DECISIONS you make.

Kind of sounds like life, huh?

I started thinking about my life, my ‘story’. Over the last few years, my life has taken a completely different course. Prior to turning 39 I had a very sad story. Although I had wonderful times in my life, generally speaking each chapter contained:

  • Depression/Anxiety
  • Toxic Relationships
  • Lies
  • Guilt/Shame
  • SELF-loathing
  • Fear

That’s a very sad story indeed.  So what’s my story now? My story has changed significantly because now I experience the following on a daily basis:

  • LOVE
  • GRATITUDE
  • AUTHENTICITY
  • LAUGHTER
  • JOY
  • SUPPORTIVE RELATIONSHIPS
  • INTEGRITY
  • INSTINCT
  • PASSION

I now experience:

SELF – Love

SELF – Care

SELF – Respect

How did I change my story so dramatically?

Just like the “Choose Your Own Adventure” children’s books, I made the DECISION to do something different. I DECIDED I was worth the fight. I DECIDED I didn’t want to live in such pain and sadness. I DECIDED to do whatever was necessary to turn my life around.

And I did!

My life is more colourful because I’m making different choices. I have a different perspective. I understand my value and worth.

Life is an adventure, and YOU are the author of your story.

What kind of story are you choosing? What chapter is being repeated? What characters continue to create chaos and dysfunction? Where is the humour and laughter in your story? Where is the love? Are you the victim in your story or are you the hero?

THIS IS YOUR LIFE.

THIS IS YOUR STORY.

Choose your own adventure.

CHOOSE YOU!

With a smile,

Tina

PS.  Don’t forget to come back on Thursday and check out “THE Jog Blog” as I’ll share the incredible experience of running my first marathon. It was a day full of JOY, LAUGHTER and GRATITUDE.

The Other Side Of Authentic Living

I learned a BIG LESSON recently.

It was a tough lesson.

It made me feel emotionally ugly and physically exhausted.

When you detox from alcohol, cigarettes or unhealthy food you initially feel your body adjusting and often times it’s uncomfortable. You may get a headache, nausea or your body will be attacked by the cold or flu.

Once you get through that period of pain and discomfort and your body adjusts to the new, healthy behaviour, you feel better. You have more energy, you thoughts are clearer, you may sleep better and your life is more balanced. You feel really good!

If you reintroduce the past unhealthy behaviours, your body will react far more than before because it’s adjusted to a clean way of living. Your body instinctively knows it’s better for you so in a way, it’s fighting for you to make the right choice.

When you do the same with your values and morals – start living a life of AUTHENTICITY, HONESTY and INTEGRITY the process is the same. When you reintroduce old patterns or negativity, your inner SELF becomes contaminated with an ugly energy.

This past week I suffered from that ugliness. I was very hurt, angry and defensive. Someone from my past was trying to use control and anger to intimidate me. His behaviour indicated he thought I was weak and therefore I needed to show him otherwise. My anger rose up:

“How dare you threaten me! I will protect my happy and joyful life and make you PAY for your idle threats and controlling ways.”

Although, my protective nature is good, it was being exercised in an extremely negative way. Wanting to PUNISH him for being a jerk just ended up severely punishing mySELF.

I was anxious, stressed, angry and teetering on depression.

Those dark, ugly emotions made me feel AWFUL! Because I was responding this way, I was giving this person POWER to turn my life from happy, joyful, and balanced to dark, angry and negative. I was mirroring the very person I was upset about!

This blog was difficult to write.

I cannot in good faith continue to move forward writing about living authentically, joyfully and with integrity knowing I behaved with such negativity.

I am human. I make mistakes, but I’m continuing to LEARN, GROW and CHANGE just like you.

Living authentically and with integrity also means you admit when you’re wrong. You acknowledge and take ownership for your behaviour.

That is exactly what I did and immediately I felt the weight lift and my energy change.

I didn’t have to announce this to you. I could have kept it private, but my conscience, my integrity and what I feel is important does not allow me to do that.

My inner core coils at the thought of being dishonest or leading a life that is not with integrity.

What I’ve learned is my anxiety is another version of my instinct. It is the loud, ugly barometer forcing me to listen to my conscience. It was my body’s way of saying:

“Tina, this is not what you believe. This is not who you are. This is not right. You must make amends or I’m going to keep torching you.”

I LIVE WHAT I SPEAK. 

I HONOR THESE WORDS I WRITE TO YOU.

It’s not easy, it’s not flawless and it’s not always fun…but it is AUTHENTIC, TRUTHFUL and REAL.

This is who I am. This is my truth and I continue to share it with you in the hopes that you LISTEN to your INSTINCT, whether it comes in the form of a quiet voice, or the loud bullhorn of anxiety.

LISTEN. DO THE RIGHT THING. SAVE YOURSELF THE PAIN.

With a smile,

Tina

PS.  I have other blogs categorized on the right side panel that deal with anxiety and depression, fear, instinct, and toxic relationships if you want to learn more about this process of LIVING AUTHENTICALLY.

PPS. Thank you for your continued love and support.  You are in my heart.

Brown Eyes

What color were the eyes that betrayed you? For me they were brown.

Those brown eyes told me they loved me and would never hurt me.

Those brown eyes said they’d take care of me.

Those brown eyes said everything was ok.

Those brown eyes said they’d keep me SAFE.

Those brown eyes lied to me.

Those brown eyes said they would always tell me the TRUTH. They promised.

Those brown eyes broke all their promises.

Those brown eyes told me one thing and did another

Those brown eyes looked away.

Those brown eyes were HIS and those brown eyes were MINE.

BOTH BETRAYED ME.

Many years ago I looked in the mirror and swore to myself that I would protect myself. I swore I would LISTEN to that inner voice that tried so hard to keep me from harm. I swore I would LOVE mySELF more. Years later, I’m looking into another mirror, only this time the eyes look a little older. Again, I swore I would take better care of mySELF and never let this repeat. I told myself I had to learn the lesson because I was tired of the same results. I was angry at those brown eyes because they knew better.

Today those brown eyes look at me and expect different results. They tell me without hesitation whether I am doing something good for myself or something unhealthy for myself. This time I LISTEN. They fiercely protect the life they have carved. They refuse to accept anger, negativity, lies, and disloyalty in their life.

Those brown eyes look with conviction instead of confusion.

Those brown eyes don’t look at me and make promises they can’t keep. Those brown eyes have an understanding about them; they understand that nothing less than LOVE, RESPECT and AUTHENTICITY are good enough.

Those brown eyes are open and they do not look away…

One pair of brown eyes is gone, but the other remains with forgiveness, love and understanding.

When YOU look into the mirror, what do YOUR eyes tell you? 

With a smile,

Tina

Finding Your OJO – How To Connect To SELF

You may be scratching your head and wondering,

“What’s an OJO?!”

Well, it’s going to be different for everyone. I will tell you what my OJO is and what it does for me.

OJO is a method of accessing the deepest part of mySELF. It’s a way to open my heart and the very essence of who I am. Once I do that, I feel pure love, acceptance, joy and peace. OJO is a method where once you release the stress, emotions, or fear, you feel connected with yourSELF and others…some might even call it sacred.

Now, my method of finding that release, leading to the quiet, beautiful, and soul-full energy is in three-part:

1. OCEAN – The ocean feels like my soul mate. I understand that sounds corny but there is something about that large mass of water that resonates with me. When I am at the ocean, I feel safe. I feel like the ocean understands me and I can truly be myself when I am there. I can be reading, journaling, meditating, or simply sitting and observing and the ocean completely envelops me with love and acceptance. The smell calms me down. The magnitude of its beauty whether it’s a sunny day or windy day centers me. The awesome power, the quiet solitude. It is a sacred place that opens me up and allows me to feel, process and resolve. It never lets me down. It is something I can always rely on and therefore it is the first “O” of my OJO.

2. JOGGING – As I’ve mentioned before, I never exercised in my life until I reached the age of 39. Since that time jogging opened me up and exposed all the ugliness, sadness and anger. Once processed, I revealed the LOVE and HAPPINESS that was inside. I exposed mySELF through jogging. I was able to cope better with my stress, end relationships that were toxic and most importantly recognize and honor my INSTINCT. Again, it was a method for me to find mySELF, hidden amongst the pain of the past and the patterns of the now. I was able to discover what was really important to me and hear my own voice. Jogging is the “J” of my OJO.

3. ORGASM – Yes, the power of an orgasm is truly remarkable. It’s a beautiful way to connect, feel INSTINCTIVE and allow my body to feel PLEASURE. It’s physical but it’s emotional too.  It’s another method to connect to the very essence of who I am and accepting, loving and appreciating that core. Honoring self. Loving self. Respecting self. It’s very powerful. At 41 years old, I am not embarrassed, ashamed, shy or insecure about my sexuality. I love it. As mentioned in THE Endorphinator, JOGGING plays an important role with my sexuality. Orgasm is the final “O” of my OJO.

So that explains my OJO…my path to SELF, so what is your way?  What brings you PEACE, a deep sense of LOVE and a true APPRECIATION of all that is YOU. What ways do you express yourSELF, honour yourSELF and love yourSELF? How do you access the very core of who you are?

OJO IS A RELEASE AND CONNECTION LEADING TO SELF.

OJO helps you access at the deepest level your body, mind and soul in a healthy way. Maybe you add yoga to that mix…so you have a YOJO or maybe meditation for MOJO…or Soccer SOJO…see where I’m going with this?

Find your method and passionately commit to yourSELF by honoring those methods. Honoring the method will only lead you to SELF…having a connection to SELF will only lead you to LOVE, JOY and AUTHENTICITY. Those around you will only benefit.

This is the OJO promise.

Find your OJO. Embrace it. Respect it. Love it. Honour it.

With a smile,

Tina

Do Actions Speak Louder Than Words?

I started dating and it’s brought up some interesting questions.

When I meet someone new, it’s great because I know who I am and I express myself OPENLY and with AUTHENTICITY. It’s a freedom I never exercised in my previous life. I’m very clear in what qualities I want in a partner and what qualities I’m giving a partner. I also know the life I want to create as an individual and in a partnership.

Although, this is all very clear to me, some questions do arise when it comes to investing in a new relationship:

  • Do ACTIONS speak louder than words?
  • Do words have more POWER?
  • How does this affect my CHOICE in men when dating?
  • Or, for that matter any of my relationships?

I’ll give you a dating example: I seek a man who shows me his INTENTIONS through his actions. So does that mean he doesn’t have to verbally communicate it to me? Does that mean he can withhold his thoughts or feelings because he’s showing me he’s interested?

Do I need to hear it or are the actions good enough?

Words have power and conversations are an important part of getting to know someone. Communication is crucial to solving problems, finding out how the other person is feeling, processing pain or expressing joy. You need to have that exchange so yes, words mean something.

For me, the bottom line is INTENTION. Both words and actions speak volumes; however, what is behind them speaks the loudest…the intent.

INTENTION IS TRUTH. 

If someone in YOUR life is making promises but not following through, what is their real intention? What is their truth when it comes to YOU? If they are mean one minute and saying I love you the next and this is a consistent pattern, what is that really telling you?

It’s not a comfortable question is it?

My past relationships were built on false pretences. I believed what I was told not what I was shown. Their actions did not match their words and their words did not match their actions.  Despite this pattern, I allowed their voice to be louder than my own internal guide.

What INTENTIONS surround you?

  • Do you have people who make promises they never keep?
  • Give you back handed compliments?

What do you feel when they say something to you?

  • Do you feel loved or do you feel hurt?
  • Does it lift you up or in a small tiny way, hold you down?
  • Do you feel respected? Heard? Validated?

And what about actions, are words being thrown around without any actions to back it up?

My childhood and a large part of my adulthood I believed and accepted broken promises. My father promised we were moving to a big grand house with a pool in the back yard (we moved to a rundown trailer in the middle of nowhere with a bog out the back), my ex husband promised he’d be faithful and my ex partner promised security. Words, words and more words…there was NEVER the intention to follow through.

Today I have confidence I will see the true intentions in the relationships around me because I LISTEN to my INSTINCT. I BELIEVE it and follow the advice it gives me even if it doesn’t make sense at the time. It has NEVER let me down. It’s job is to filter through the bullshit and find the truth.

The INTENTION of INSTINCT is to PROTECT, GUIDE, LOVE, NURTURE and keep SAFE the person it is speaking to; it is up to us to LISTEN.

What are the true intentions in your life? 

STOP  

OBSERVE 

LISTEN

DECIDE

You have a CHOICE.  Choose INSTINCT.  Choose YOU.

With a smile,

Tina