Help Is On The Way

Wouldn’t that be great? If we were having a difficult time, we could look to the wall to see the light blinking and say:

“It’s ok!  Everything will be fine…HELP IS ON THE WAY.”

Some turn to God or religion to bring comfort in times of trouble. Others meditate and find that inner peace and quiet by connecting to their breath and calming their thoughts. Some will exert themselves physically through jogging, cycling, or skiing and others will use their artistic expressions such as painting, dance and music to bring peace.

I connect when I am jogging on a regular basis, spend time near the ocean and trees and when I write. I find clarity, peace and strength and hear all the answers to my questions.

Yesterday, I wrote the following in my journal. I believe it is a fundamental truth:

Today is a new day, a new beginning.

Today is an OPPORTUNITY.

Today holds possibilities, choices, chances and options.

Today is not yesterday, a few days ago, last month, a couple years prior or when you were a child.

Today is NOW.

Today is about HONOURING the very essence of who I am and EMBRACING it.

Today is about COURAGE.

It’s the courage and strength to move forward despite challenges or fears.

Today is about FORGIVENESS.

I forgive mySELF so I can forgive others.

Today I will LISTEN.

I will listen to my VOICE, my INSTINCT, the loving, nurturing, inner WISDOM that never leads me astray.

Today I will no longer invest in negativity or victimization. I will empower mySELF by thinking and acting in a positive, healthy and respectful manner.

Today is about LIVING AUTHENTICALLY and with INTEGRITY.

Today I look to my dreams as TRUTHS that are forming shape and direction.

Today is a series of choices: I CHOOSE MY THOUGHTS. I CHOOSE MY ACTIONS.

Today is a GIFT.

Today will never happen again so I must live with KINDNESS in my heart. I must share my LOVE and offer HOPE instead of fear or doubt.

Today I realize help isn’t on its way…it’s already hear. (Yes, I chose that spelling on purpose.)

Today I have all the information I need; I just need to LISTEN.

Today my questions are answered by listening to what’s going on inside…inside where my INSTINCT lives, my ESSENCE shines and my LOVE grows.

Today is a GIFT you give yourSELF.

Today is NOW.

I hope you embrace today with LOVE in your heart, GRATITUDE in your smile and TRUTH in your words. Know that the guidance you seek is inside of you.

SEEK YOUR TRUTH AND YOU WILL FIND YOUR JOY.

With a smile,

Tina

A Conversation About LOVE

THIS DIALOGUE HAS MANY SONG TITLES. THEY ARE IN BOLD AND ITALICS.

 

It’s Valentine’s Day. A couple sit together holding hands. As they sit side by side HE asks her quietly:

All You Need Is Love?

SHE replies warmly, kissing his cheek:

Love Is The Answer…

 

Walking by, THEY overhear the conversation. THEY are sick of seeing happy couples holding hands and interrupt angrily:

Love Hurts! You’ve Got To Hide Your Love Away!

 SHE replies calmly, with compassion:

You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling…Put A Little Love In Your Heart…

 But their statement startles him. HE turns to her and questions:

You Always Hurt The Ones You Love…Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?

 

 

SHE looks deep into his eyes and replies:

I Will Always Love You

THEY stand and stare. THEY don’t believe her. They’ve heard it before and were betrayed.

THEY have heavy hearts full of pain, sadness, anger and such a deep loneliness. THEY cry out bitterly:

Don’t Throw Your Love Away!

HE ignores them this time and says:

True Love Is Hard To Find…How Deep Is Your Love?

SHE smiles, squeezes his hand and says:

Love You Inside Out…

 It’s hard to ignore her authenticity. SHE radiates with love. THEY pout:

I Want To Know What Love Is…

SHE said:

Let Love Lead The Way!

THEY reply bitterly:

Love Bites!

SHE calmly turns to them and says:

Love Takes Time…Let Me Love You…

THEY continue to jeer at her but HE interrupts:

We Found Love…

THEY look at each other and start laughing…

THEY start to walk away oozing with sarcasm and pain:

Why Do Fools Fall In Love?

SHE releases her partner’s hand and stands up. SHE calmly walks over to them, looks deep into their eyes. THEY try to look away. SHE takes her hand and gently lifts their chin so their eyes meet her gaze. SHE says warmly:

I Can’t Make You Love Me; You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me…I Feel Love!

THEY start to cry:

What’s Love Got To Do With It? I’ll Never Fall In Love Again…

SHE stands with “Open Arms” and gives them a hug:

You’ll Never Stop Me From Loving You; Love Is All Around.

 

 

THEY think they don’t deserve love. THEY think they are unworthy of love from her, from themselves…from anyone! THEY continue to cry and say:

Save Your Love…

SHE gives them a bigger hug, gently wipes away their tears and softly whispers in their ear:

I Love You.

THEY weep in disbelief:

Do You Love Me?

SHE said:

I Honestly Love You…A World Without Love…

SHE begins to get choked up. How can she make them understand that love is all around them, love is inside them, love is the very essence of who they are!

HE gets up from the bench, looking at her with such affection:

Love Is Everything.

SHE smiles and grabs his hand and squeezes it.

Thank you, she says with a gentle touch. SHE continues to hug the others, keeping them close to her heart:

Can You Feel The Love Tonight?

THEY reply:

It’s Only Love That Gets You Through…

SHE nods in agreement…

HE knew he was witnessing “The Power Of Love” and felt no jealousy but rather closer to her.

Her love for him is a “Sacred Love” which is a bond that only they share.  Her love for others is an “Ocean Sized Love”.

THEY slowly straighten up and wipe the tears from their eyes. THEY start to walk away, no longer feeling lonely, sad, angry or worthless. THEY realize “It Must Have Been Love” that made those negative feelings melt away and that love truly is “Here, There And Everywhere”.

It makes no difference if you are single or in a relationship, LOVE STARTS FROM WITHIN.

 

Celebrate today by LOVING yourSELF first, then share with others.

 

Remember: “Don’t Stop Believin” because “Love Will Find A Way”

 

From my heart to yours,

Tina

What Is Intimacy?

I had some excellent conversations over the weekend and one of them was on the topic of intimacy.

The question was raised:

“What is intimacy to Tina?”

It was a great question.

Surprisingly I stumbled around on the answer…needing time to accurately convey my thoughts and emotions around this word. It’s a very big and important word to me.

Based on my experiences this is how I define intimacy:

  • HONESTY
  • VULNERABILITY
  • TRUST
  • OPENNESS

HONESTY:

I believe you cannot have intimacy without ABSOLUTE HONESTY. You can’t have lies and intimacy in the same relationship. One cancels out the other. Half truths don’t work either.

Until recently (with the exception of my high school sweetheart) I had relationships with men who would lie.

Deep inside I knew I was being lied to; however, I accepted it because it was familiar to me. I had been conditioned as a child to accept lies and to keep secrets. Although intimacy was something these men said they wanted, the relationship was incapable of ever reaching any level of intimacy due to the lack of truth.

For me, lying is poison. It creates severe anxiety and imbalance in my life and negatively affects the very essence of who I am as a person. It is the opposite of intimacy.

YOU MUST HAVE HONESTY IN ORDER TO HAVE INTIMACY.

VULNERABILITY:

I think you have to be vulnerable in a relationship in order to build intimacy. If you do not allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable, you create a wall. In my twenties I was emotionally damaged and created the wall through sarcasm to keep others away and protect myself from ever being hurt…and loved. I was lonely and lost as a result.

Being vulnerable does not mean you are weak or somehow inferior because you are exposing your thoughts and feelings.

VULNERABILITY REQUIRES COURAGE. 

TRUST:

Vulnerability also requires trust. Trust in yourSELF and trust in the other person.

I can be vulnerable because I trust my instincts. Because I trust my instincts, I am able to trust the other person and therefore live openly with my feelings and emotion. I love living this way. It resonates with the core of who I am.

TRUST IS A KEY INGREDIENT TO INTIMACY. 

OPENNESS:

Openness is different from vulnerability.

Openness allows you to try new things, thus creating a bond because you are sharing a new experience. You are open with your conversations each truly LISTENING to the other and not having to be ‘right’ or prove the other person is ‘wrong’. Openness is being your own person yet understanding it is ok to need the other person without being needy, possessive or clingy/insecure. Openness is not being closed or secretive with your actions, emotions or intentions. Openness is expressing affection. Openness is seeing another’s perspective, opinion or experience and having compassion, empathy and understanding. Openness allows you to SHARE your life, love and experiences.

OPENNESS CREATES SPACE FOR INTIMACY IN YOUR LIFE. 

An open life is a giving life, an AUTHENTIC life and it helps create and build intimacy. There’s nothing more intimate in life than simply being understood and understanding someone else. ― Brad Meltzer, The Inner Circle

I believe these are important steps on HOW TO BUILD INTIMACY.

I loved that this question was asked of me. It’s an important question and as a result, I think it created a deeper connection and understanding; which in turn, created intimacy. (Insert big warm happy heart)

What does intimacy mean to YOU?

With a smile,

Tina

 

 

 

How To Cope In A Crisis

How To Cope In A CrisisThis past year was difficult due to my own family crisis and friends who are also suffering. As much as possible, I gave my full attention, love and support.

Through this CRISIS I wrote some things down that may be helpful to you. Here’s what I learned:

  1. EAT - You may lose your appetite or not have time but you must EAT. Ask others to prepare meals for you and your family. You need the ENERGY and CLARITY of mind at this time.
  2. SLEEP - I know it’s difficult when you have a thousand things swirling around in your head and you are worried, scared and stressed but you must SLEEP. Click HERE for some tips.
  3. DO NOT SHUT DOWN - Sometimes when you are in a situation that is overwhelming, it seems easier to shut down. You may quit communicating or escape through alcohol, work, sleep or isolation. This is not healthy and will only exasperate the situation. If you are dealing with someone who shuts down, then find someone to talk to them if they won’t listen to you.
  4. RELY ON POSITIVE PEOPLE YOU TRUST - People want to help. Please, ask for help to clean your house, prepare and cook meals, assist with carpooling, make sure your kids have clean clothes or give you a break at the hospital, care home, funeral home or court house. Don’t worry about what others think; rely on friends, family and neighbours to take care of your needs and those of your family.
  5. GATHER RESOURCES - It’s amazing how many people have been in a similar situation. If you open up, they will be an emotional support system because they understand; they may also have resources for you. If you’ve never experienced this crisis before, you may not know what kind of questions to ask. Please talk and allow others to help.
  6. GO FOR A WALK - Exercise is an excellent outlet for stress. If you aren’t a jogger then go for a walk, preferably in a natural setting. I truly understand it may be the last thing you feel like doing, however going for a walk will give you some fresh air and moves the stressful energy that is stuck in your mind and body. Cry, let out your fears, stress and anxiety and come back feeling a little lighter. I found hope in the quiet of the trees and the lull of the ocean.
  7. FIND SOME NORMALCY - I found this to be a very important factor in maintaining my strength. I asked my friends for emotional support but I also asked them to tell me about their own life so I could transport myself to another reality for a few minutes while I read their email or text. I chose people I knew would only give me POSITIVE ENERGY and wouldn’t ask for anything back because I knew I had nothing more to give. I wore makeup and high heels. Seems ridiculous but I forced myself to put that little effort into my appearance because it helped me feel normal in a very abnormal, stressful and difficult situation.
  8. KEEP YOURSELF SAFE - If you are in a crisis and there is an element of being unsafe emotionally or physically YOU MUST TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST so you are healthy and strong to help others. This may include staying in a hotel, or at a friend’s place and making sure you have your own vehicle instead of carpooling.
  9. CREATE A PLAN - Once the emergency situation is under control you must create a follow up plan. Life doesn’t always go the way you expect and sometimes even the professionals may fall short. If this is the case, find the friends and family who have been in similar situations or have more knowledge and clarity in this area and ask for help. Create a PLAN OF ACTION for the next day, weeks and months to follow. That may seem overwhelming but with the help of your support system you will not have to make all the decisions by yourself.

If you know of someone in a crisis situation, they may not know how to ask for help.  Drop off a meal, LISTEN when they talk or fill up their car with gas.  Small gestures of kindness are extremely important at this time.

IF YOU ARE IN A CRISIS SITUATION, I AM DEEPLY SORRY. PLEASE KNOW THAT THERE IS HELP AND YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Give yourself a moment to breathe and although it may feel like you can’t take another day:

YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU REALIZE. 

You will get through, one breath at a time…one step at a time…one hug at a time.

With all my love and compassion,

Tina

PS.  Thank you for sharing this post.

Life is Precious

  

“Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone.” ~ Tuesdays with Morrie

I love that quote and believe it to be true.  Over the last year, particularly the last six months I’ve had a large number of people I love and care about lose their loved ones to illnesses. They are missing their parent, grandparent, spouse, child, sibling or friend. My heart aches for their breaking hearts. Although I am a writer, I seem lost for words.

I haven’t found the words to accurately describe the LOVE a parent has for their child and the depth of grief they feel when they are forced to say goodbye.  I have not found the words to offer comfort to the ones who no longer can hold their father’s hand, hear his laughter or give him a hug because his battle with cancer ended. I turn to other authors to find wisdom and grace.

“Death is not death but a recycling of energy, a remodulation of the cells according to higher assignments in a soul’s progression. The spirit doesn’t die, but rather enters new channels of life…our relationships are not severed at death, but refocused beyond physical connection.” ~ Marianne Williamson from Illuminata

It is a comforting thought but not everyone who is grieving will feel that way.

There is no comparing grief because everyone is different.

Processing the pain, sadness, loss, longing, anger, loneliness and devastation will be as individual as we are people. Sometimes words aren’t enough because the pain is too deep.

When words fail me, I offer to LISTEN.

According to Being There for Someone in Grief by Marianna Cacciatore, LISTENING is one of the most important things you can give someone: Allowing them the space and freedom to cry, figure out their feelings and talk about their loved ones without interruption.

LISTENING and TRUSTING they have the ability to HEAL is one of the greatest gifts you can give. It is an enormous expression of LOVE to allow another to just “be” wherever they are in their grief. Our reaction is to try and ‘fix’ them but grief isn’t a scratch we can kiss better, it takes TIME, PATIENCE and LOVE.

It’s not comfortable, it’s awkward and the feeling of helplessness is one we have to deal with in order to help them heal.

“Sometimes the purpose of a day is to merely feel our sadness, knowing that as we do we allow whole layers of grief, like old skin cells, to drop off us.” ~ Marianne Williamson from Everyday Grace

GIVE THEM ROOM TO HONOUR THEIR EMOTIONS.

DON’T CROWD THEM WITH YOUR EXPERIENCES, ADVICE OR EXPECTATIONS.

ALLOW THEM TO ‘BE’ WHEREVER THEY ARE IN THEIR GRIEF, WITHOUT TRYING TO FIX THEM.

Reach out and hold their hand, give them a hug, touch their face. Look into their eyes and really LISTEN to what they are saying.

LIFE IS PRECIOUS.

PEOPLE ARE PRECIOUS.

TIME IS PRECIOUS.

Today’s post is dedicated to those who have fought a courageous battle against illness and disease and who have touched our lives with love, laughter and joy. It is also dedicated to those who are grieving and yearning for one more conversation, hug or giggle from those they miss. You are in my heart.

With a warm, loving hug,

Tina

PS.  If you found this post to be helpful, please pass it along by clicking on the buttons below.  If you have suggested reading material, other sources of information or personal experience, your comments are greatly appreciated. Thank you.